Take My Life

Alone

2012-01-10T19:23:00.002-06:00

December 6th, 2011 - a letter:
"I long for the intimacy and emotional bonds that come with marriage. Some days, it's especially hard knowing that God has placed this longing in me, yet at the same time does not allow me to satisfy it yet. I know that woman was designed for companionship with man, and although my overall purpose and story is much bigger than that, it still tugs at my heart. For today, I need to focus on my desire for God and how He can fill my heart's longings more than any man. It really amazes me when I stop to think about it - that these feminine desires I have were given to me as an arrow, pointing me to Who Christ is. I long for love, and God shows it. I want security and identity in someone better than I am, and being God's child provides that. I want someone to protect and comfort me, and God faithfulness is my Rock and Shield. I long to look beautiful in the eyes of the person I love, and God makes me sinless in His eyes. I want romance and adventure in life, and yet what is more romantic than the gentle wooing of Jesus' love, and the adventure of His death and resurrection. He'll never leave me or disappoint me, never grow tired of who I am or say that I'm not enough, never give up because I've gone too far beyond His love. And I say, 'my God, that is enough.'"

I think that one of the ways Satan likes to bring us down is by convincing us of loneliness. When we go through struggles and hardships, we often feel like there's no one there for us to turn to. Not only that, but it seems that our experience is unique, so even if someone was there to sympathize, they wouldn't understand. This lonely feeling leads us to some of the darkest moments in our lives.

So what can we do about our loneliness? Well, we can start by being comforted that God recognizes this feeling and actually anticipated it from the very start. Even before the fall, God looked at Adam and said that it was not good for him to be alone. He had perfect communion with God, total immersion in nature, surrounded by the fresh beauty of a new creation. . . and yet, God saw a problem. So "ta-dah!" - in comes the woman. Marriage, intimacy, companionship - these are the things God provided as a solution to being alone.

But, as in most things, the fall has marred His perfect plan. And so, we must struggle through life feeling alone, and experiencing brokenness in our relationships. Even in the best of marriages or friendships, hurt happens and trust is lost at times. How do we deal with this? How to we fight that temptation to isolate when we feel alone in our struggles, rather than bring them to light and bear each others' burdens? Being single is one of the most common "complaints" of young, Christian adults. Our Lord has placed in us that desire for companionship, and it can be so frustrating when that desire isn't fulfilled in ways we think it ought to be.

First, I think we need to embrace our desire for companionship. After all, God did! It's easy to push it aside and think that it's "weak" or un-spiritual to desire a man or woman to share our life with. However, the story of Adam and Eve, and the entire book of Song of Songs clearly shows us that love, marriage, and relationship are things that come from God, good things, that we need to accept.

I think the next step is harnessing those desires for good purposes now. Embracing those desires opens the temptation to become "antsy" and flirtatious, trying to work out the fulfillment of our desires in our own way. But even in this issue of the heart, God asks for trust. After all, He was the one who solved Adam's problem of loneliness - can't we trust him to solve our own? Let us therefore use the strength of those desires in our heart to pursue Christ. After all, we must remember that earthly relationships, even marriage, are "icing on the cake" sort of blessings, not necessities. God has given them to us as good gifts, because He designed us and understands our desires. However, He has also offered Himself for companionship and we must learn to be satisfied with that, the "cake itself", before go asking for extra. This is a life-long process, so let's begin to take part in the romance that our Savior has laid out for us.

Christmas Confusion

2011-12-22T14:04:00.003-06:00

Some days, it really strikes me how different our Christmas holiday is from the first Christmas, when Jesus was born. It's not just the materialism and stuff that has began to personify Christmas, although granted, that is a stark contrast. When a dirty stable, full of hay and animal droppings and a young, poor couple are looked at next to my home; large, comfortable, and warm with plenty all around me, it makes me pause to think.

But this year, I've been considering how much confusion and heart-break must have surrounded that first Christmas. It began with Mary when she heard the news from the angel that she was pregnant. Her immediate response was confusion [she was greatly troubled], something I can understand. Surely, she had dreams about how her life would go - being married to Joseph and beginning a home on her own terms; living perhaps poorly, but comfortably and happily with her husband; raising a good, normal, God-honoring Jewish family. And then this - an unexpected pregnancy? That changed everything for her, and she probably felt like her dreams were shattered. I'm right there with her this year - crying out to God, "Why me? Why wasn't the future I had planned good enough? This may be better, but it doesn't seem like it right now. I don't want confusion and heart-ache - I just want a normal life with Joseph, like I had planned." And yet, in the end, her response was correct. In just that short time with the angel, she was able to submit to God. That doesn't mean she wasn't still mourning over her lost dreams, but she was accepting that God's will was superior, and recognizing that she wanted it more than she wanted her own dreams. And we know it turned out to be an amazing plan - God himself called her blessed among women, and she was.

Joseph was confused and heart-broken too. With the news of Mary's pregnancy, his dreams must have crumbled and his reputation was likely marred forever. His initial response was just like a man - do what I can to fix the problem! He chose the "proper" and right route, what God had laid out as law for the Jewish people, and something he had every right to do - "divorce" her, or break off the commitment of future marriage they had made. He must have cared about Mary, because he wanted to do it quietly, so she wasn't disgraced. We don't hear a lot about Joseph's heart in the matter, or what he felt about Mary. But when the angel came to him, he said [do not be afraid] - what was Joseph afraid of? His reputation? Being responsible for a child conceived by the Holy Spirit? Or marrying a women who was of questionable purity, and who he may not have even "loved"? I'm sure he mourned over his lost reputation, and the loss to his relationship with Mary. While they still got married, this changed the nature of that relationship forever. But again, Joseph ultimately obeyed God. Through his heart-ache and fear, he stood up and fought for his relationship with Mary, even though it was "marred" in the world's eyes. He accepted this change in plans, knowing that even though it was different, it would be better than he had imagined.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8-9

No matter how good or right our plans may be, God's ways are always better. I think it's appropriate to be heart-broken and confused when we discover that our plans won't come to pass. God says he is near to the broken-hearted, so it's clear that he understands it's a part of life and the human condition. I also think it's okay to mourn over our lost plans, when they were good and wholesome and of God. He made us to be creative beings, and expects that we will use our imaginations to dream of what we want in life. But ultimately, we must come to Him in humble obedience - realizing that the things life brings us (even the hard ones) are under His control. Nothing takes Him by surprise, and He promises to work all things to good for those who love Him. Quiet trust is what He asks of us.

How God has Worked [this semester]

2011-10-18T09:46:00.005-05:00

School has been great. Loving every minute of my OB clinical experiences, and enjoying my med/surg ones too. Classes are insanely busy, especially for just 12 credits, but I'm keeping my head above water. Being busy helps time fly by and keeps my mind where it should be - not on myself.

first day of clinicals!

Friendships have continued to deepen, and I continually marvel at the people God has placed in my life here. He really has sustained me with friends this past year - so much encouragement and mutual growth. Time has not allowed to develop many new friends, but I've gotten to know a few freshmen.

I miss my family a lot this year. Not in a homesick way, as in the past, but just in that "I'm growing up" way. It makes me sad that I miss out on so much of their lives, but I do thank God for the times I've been able to go home and watch soccer/volleyball games, cuddle with the little ones, and talk with the older ones. We've skyped once, which was very exciting for all involved. :)

Mark and I have continue to grow closer in our relationship at a manageable rate. He is planning to go to graduate school next fall, probably somewhere far away, so we enjoy every moment we get together right now. 2.5 years doesn't sound like a long time, but it seems like a lifetime - hard to remember what it was like not having his calming and encouraging presence in my life, and not knowing what laughing with him was like. We've enjoyed spending more time with his family this fall, including his brother David, and sister in law, Emily.

me and Mark at a photo shoot with Nathan/Renee :)

Went to a really good sunday school lesson this weekend. He talked about how, in the Lord's Prayer, everything Jesus tells us to pray about are things that He has already promised us as believers. . . so why does He want us to pray about them? Won't they happen if we don't, since they are promised and they are God's will? He proposed that prayer is a means through which God performs his will. As we pray, God works the things He has planned for us. It's a way He has given us to be a part of what He's doing in our lives and in the lives of others, and in doing so, build relationship and intimacy with Him. Even through struggles and trials, prayer helps us gain a right perspective, not asking God to take pain away, but to use it to accomplish His will and draw us closer to His side.

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."
Romans 5:3-5

Miss Bunny Pants

2011-07-11T19:02:00.005-05:00

I would like to formally introduce you to the one and only Miss Reese's. She's basically the cutest ever. This first photo is of her as a little baby, the rest are more recent. She grows by leaps and bounds. . . and she also leaps and bounds, sometimes over her enclosure! Quite amazing, quiet and adorable. . . basically perfect.

On Forgiveness

2011-07-10T18:16:00.001-05:00

This is borrowed from a blog written by a friend of a friend. :) Here's the link, if you're interested in reading more of what she has to say.

Have you ever taken a step back, looked at a situation, and realized that you've been making it a lot more complicated than it really needed to be? That was entirely rhetorical, because I know that you're just like me and have probably done this more than you realize. It's funny, because when you're in the middle of it, it sure doesn't seem like you're over reacting. It seems like you're reacting to the exact, appropriate degree. But I have been wrong, wrong, wrong.

Something finally clicked in my stubborn brain today. There is a person in my life that I find rather difficult to love. And my reservations, my concerns about honestly loving them, my doubts, they are warranted. Or, at least, they started out that way. (Though one concern in particular I'd probably categorize as simply human, and not at all warranted.) But I have been selfish.

For days (or months, if you really need to know...) I have talked myself, and my friends, in circles about why I am right in this situation. Why my failure to love them is excused because I have to protect my heart, and if that relationship has to suffer in order for me to do that, well, you can't win 'em all. And yet, I constantly feel this need for affirmation. This need for others to validate that mindset, to agree with me that I'm right... That would be because I wasn't right at all. I have been copping out.

I have been so caught up in the little things that I've lost sight of the big picture. I realize that I have spent entirely too much time thinking about all the reasons why I shouldn't love them, instead of remembering the one reason that I should: because Jesus does. Because Jesus asked me to. I took my doubts and blew them way out of proportion. Because it is so much easier to concentrate on being frustrated, on all the reasons why loving them is a bad idea, than to risk being hurt by sharing my heart with them.

And I think my selfish motives run even deeper. I was looking for reasons to be frustrated. Why? Because loving them is hard for me. It requires my vulnerability without any guarantee that I'll be protected in that vulnerability. It requires the kind of reckless love that I have been praying for but (I'm now understanding) I have been too afraid to live by. I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm afraid of making things messy. And I'm reluctant to step outside this comfort zone of half-hearted love that I seem to be very fond of.

But...

It isn't about me. Who do I think I am, to blatantly ignore the call to love someone, simply because it makes me uncomfortable? And my concerns didn't even start out as wrong. But that fact that I've been using them as reasons to excuse my selfish behavior? That is wrong.

I was wrong.

And the thing is, it doesn't make it any easier to love them. I think it will always be a struggle for me. That fear of being hurt, that desire to simply run away and let someone else love them is still there, still strong. But God doesn't call us to love each other like Christ because it is easy. He calls us to love each other the way he loves us because he knows how powerful love like that can be. It is that kind of love that changed my life. How dare I deny someone else the chance to know that kind of love? Because it's hard. Because I might get hurt. Because I'm too cowardly to love everyone the same.

Because I'm too selfish to love with reckless abandon and trust that God, not I, is in charge of protecting my heart.

Who do I think I am?

My call is to love. To love recklessly. To love everyone the same. To foster the same heart for people that God does. That's not what I've done at all.

I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Troop Carrier or Luxury Liner?

2011-07-06T13:01:00.000-05:00

The church, like the SS United States (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SS_United_States) has been designed for battle. The purpose of the church is to mobilize a people to accomplish a mission. Yet we seem to have turned the church as troop carrier into the church as luxury liner. We seem to have organized ourselves, not to engage battle for the souls of the peoples around the world, but to indulge ourselves in the peaceful comforts of the world. This makes me wonder what would happen if we looked squarely into the face of a world with 4.5 billion people going to hell and 26,000 children dying every day of starvation and preventable diseases, and we decided it was time to move this ship into battle instead of sitting back on the pool deck while we wait for the staff to serve us more hors d'oeuvre.

-David Platt, Radical

Long Time, No See, eh?

2011-06-14T19:09:00.003-05:00

Oh hi. Wow, I was reading through old blog posts of mine the other day and my glory days of blogging have definitely long passed me by. However, I will strive to provide a brief and entertaining synopsis of my adventures, going-ons, etc.

Last semester - Got more into nursing stuff, worked hard in some very challenging classes, and pushed through till the end. Some highlights were:

making TONS of quality new friends, including one who has been more encouragement in my life than I thought possible;
getting good grades and 3 nursing department scholarships for next school year;
deciding to room with DANI STEELE next school year (Guys. Meet her. You will understand my overwhelming excitement);
growing deeper in relationship with a godly older lady in Kirksville who has shown me what a faithful Christian and prayer warrior looks like;
adventuring around Kirksville;
taking 3 weeks away from a special person in my life in order to gain clearer perspective on life and relationships - I learned a lot and came to a much greater appreciation of the things I love;
and just overall starting to genuinely enjoy living at school.

Abby visited for a week! That was cool too.

This summer started off with a perfectly wonderful week of hanging out with my family and this cool guy I know. Then he shipped off to Kansas City (well, Olathe, KS actually) to work all summer, and I have been here in Rolla since. So far, I have;

Trying and failing to connect successfully with the CNA instructor so that I can get mah li'l self certee-fiable (take care of the elderly and assist nurses and such and such);
bathed old people;
bathed small children;
acquired a bunny, a whole lot of crap (literally), and a daily job of mopping (oh - and he's super cute and I love him a lot);
cleaned many inches of the Quakkelaars' house;
spent a long weekend with Gracie and Zeko;
played tons of random games, etc. etc. with the kiddos at this here house where I live;
gone ridding several times;
attended weddings (none of my own);
taken a plethora of naps;
skyped some of my super cool friend from St. Louis and KC;
spent some time with friends from Rolla;
gone walking with Mrs. Hickle;
and begun the planning of a baby shower.

I'm now working out at Camp David for the next two weeks, which is (as always) an adventure! (a good one)

I miss blogging! I need to do it more often, that's for sure. Hope you all are having a beautiful summer and soaking up the rain and sunshine and goodness of God.

Puppy Love

2011-05-11T17:49:00.000-05:00

Puppy Love by Rebekah G featuring satin shorts

Jane Norman kaftan top
35 GBP - janenorman.co.uk

Satin short
$25 - maruione.jp

Seychelles flat shoes
$161 - asos.com

Kate Spade crossbody bag
$129 - nordstrom.com

TopShop straw hat
$65 - topshop.com

Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess Eyeshadow Palette
$42 - neimanmarcus.com

Chloé Love, Chloé (Edp, 30ml)
40 GBP - harrods.com

Christian Lacroix Christian Lacroix's Sleeping Beauty
13 GBP - brownsfashion.com

Just Another Weekend?

2011-04-25T23:38:00.002-05:00

As a college student, a three day weekend home can seem like just another weekend to relax and enjoy family and friends. Unfortunately, in our culture, even a weekend like Easter has become that to many families - simply time to gather with family and enjoy good food and pleasant feelings.

In my devotion times lately, I've been indulging my imagination a bit more than usual. One of the things I like to do most is to put myself in the place of a character in a Bible story. This week, I took the luxury of spending nearly 45 minutes spinning a story of what this weekend of the Last Supper, the crucifixion, and the resurrection would have been like for me, had I been there.

As the story progressed, I found myself increasingly confused by the situations around me. I think I got so into the setting in my imagination, that I forgot how the story ended. Jesus being taken from the Garden of Gethsemane sent my thoughts into a wave of worry, wondering what was happening. I started to doubt - hadn't I given everything to follow this man? What would happen if he was brought down by the government? What would happen to our group that followed him? Would we be in danger? How would our beliefs ever last beyond just our generation?

And then the beating and the crucifixion. I won't walk you through my entire imagined story, for it's very personal. Mixed into the crowd as just another face, and yet feeling the pain and shame that He endured with every mocking. Hiding my face as I stood at the foot of the cross, longing to step out and speak out against what was happening, but holding back in fear. Going home from there, and sitting in the dark, sobbing. The next two days, going about my daily activities with no interest or desire to continue living.

And then the news from the disciples. Skepticism. Doubt. Wishful thinking. What dreamers they were! They needed to accept reality. I don't believe all that. But I do need to walk by the tomb anyways, put the customary spices and such. Might as well go today, check out these rumors.

And then, I see a man. In the garden. Maybe I'll ask him what's going on. He says my name - I know. It's him.

My name. The name He's given me. Spoken softly, intimately. Has He thought of me all throughout this weekend? Even through His great pain and sorrow, even through death - was He aware of me? Of the pain and need I would one day experience, and of how I would rest confident in this death and resurrection of His? Surely, He was. As He hung on the cross, His thoughts drifted to me. To the image of me crying, sitting on the bathroom floor. To how He would be with me in that moment, and in each after it.

In His death, and life, God was glorified. May my life also bring glory to Him.

A Blue Day

2011-04-21T19:19:00.001-05:00

A Blue Day by Rebekah G featuring a box pleat skirt

Shoes, Friends, and Other News

2011-04-14T19:13:00.008-05:00

Things I'm excited about today:

shoes!
being home in 24 hours
riding horses on Saturday
Seussical!
having friends from school meet my family
good friendships
sitting on the roof at the CCF house
getting some extra hours of work done
spring weather (even rain - as long as it stays warm!)
the song Sweet Home Alabama

I've been on a shoe hunt. I need summer sandals that are church-okay and sufficiently casual. If you know me, you know that heels are out of the question. Thankfully, cute, flat sandals are currently in style! Here are some cute options I've found - opinions are welcome!

1. from Target 2. also from Target 3. found at Famous Footwear (free shipping and 15% thru April 23rd!) 4. another Famous Footwear selection
5. found at good old Payless Shoes Source (idk if I could pull these ones off, but they are CUTE!) I've also been wanting these next two, but probably won't get them. One, because I can't stand spending much money at all on shoes. Two, because I really don't need them. And three, because both are pretty fad, brand-name type shoes, and I usually veer away from that type of thing style wise. :) But here they are:

Chacos!
TOMS! Terrible photo, but I love these so, so, so much!

I have also been on a mission looking for men's shoes, for a certain someone who has holes in the bottom of the only shoes he wears. Ahem. This is not nearly as easy (shopping for boys never is), but I have some decent options so far.
All from Payless:

Not sure I could handle these ones - I think Zeke has the same exact pair. :)
Here's another color variation, similar shoe:

And if he refuses everything else, this is my last ditch option:

Also, if you took that seriously because you own shoes like this . . . well, I hope you are a grandpa. If you aren't, then we should talk. Call me. Please.

Thank you for letting me share my heart with you today. :)

Friendship

2011-04-06T22:24:00.005-05:00

In times of trouble, God has not forgotten me. When I can't feel His comfort or compassion, and it seems to dark for any of His light to shine through, His body of believers comes through. His love is in them, and it's been shown to be so fully as of late.

Parents: they are the best. I love them a lot, and it is so encouraging to know that I don't have to be all put together before I can come to them for comfort. They understand me so well.

Gretchen: I don't think I've ever had such a beautiful, self-less friend. She has made me promise to text or call her at anytime of the day or night if I need a friend. And the craziest thing - we've only been friends for a couple of months! God has worked in her life in great ways already, and continues to do that daily as she lives out her love for Him.

Audrey and Gretch

Dani: S.A. and future roomie - she's basically the greatest. Dani is a rock in my life, and her hugs are needed on a regular basis in my life. I can't believe we lived in the same town for 5 years and didn't know each other. . . I sure was missing out.

Audrey, Allison, and Jen: They live together, and kind of all go together in my mind. Each has different strengths, which makes them such a wonderful group of friends. Jen is full of encouragement, compassion, and attentiveness to those who are hurting. Audrey is full of life and adventure, always up for a good time and laughter. And Al is the thinker, who loves to talk about life and learning and the deep parts of what goes on in our minds and hearts. I love them all so dearly.

Danielle: She disciples me, and I couldn't have asked for more. Wow, what a godly young woman! She encourages me in so many ways, and is an inspiration when it comes to trusting God completely and having Him rule every aspect of life.

Meegan: She's Australian, which is basically enough to tell you all about her. :) She is a woman of great wisdom, and also crazy fun, all at the same time. She's always willing to fit me into the busy schedule she keeps, and has an unshakable faith and confidence in her Savior.

(on the far left, with the thumbs-up)

So yeah. God's been pretty great, especially this week.

Passion and Purity

2011-03-31T09:38:00.002-05:00

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity.

"There is a dullness, monotony, sheer boredom in all of life when virginity and purity are no longer protected and prized."

". . . the bringing of our unruly wills and affections into order will cost us something."

"Do I want what I want, or do I want what He wants, no matter what it might cost?"

"Patient waiting is an important discipline for anyone who wants to learn to trust. . . waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry with oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts. Waiting silently is the hardest thing of all."

"God gives us material for sacrifice. The loneliness itself is material for sacrifice. The very longings themselves can be offered to Him who understands perfectly."

"When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love Him. If I can say yes to that question, can't I say yes to pleasing Him?"

"If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord? Aren't they given to us to offer?"

Coming Soon. . .

2011-03-20T13:35:00.002-05:00

. . . thoughts from my latest reading of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot.

Who Am I?

2011-03-16T09:29:00.001-05:00

I, Rebekah Grace Hall am. . .

-a child of God, His beloved daughter.

-big sister, little sister, and daughter

-a peacemaker, good at listening to friends who are struggling

-supportive of those I love (this might not apply to baseball)

-intelligent (my brains come from my dad - Mum still has all of hers)

-funny (see above)

-one who loves to talk through things, even hard issues, especially religious/theological, relational, and social issues. Political, not so much.

-a lover of calming music

-creative

-a big fan of mountains, pine trees, and hiking

-in love with Jesus, even when I feel like He's dropped me off in a desert and left me there alone (because I know, somewhere deep down, that He hasn't)

-more inclined towards a few close friendships than many surface friendships

-introverted

-an outdoors adventurer

-a reader

-a writer

-finding comfort in the Psalms these days

-wanting what God wants for me, even when it hurts

-in love with my family. Each one of my siblings is special to me in a different way, and I love the completeness I feel when I'm at home with all of them and Dad and Mum.

-a fan of dried fruit

-burdened for those who hurt like I do

-strong in communication skills

-weak in . . . well, many areas. Emotionally, and at managing the many feelings I have. Finding my value in who God says I am, not in what other people think.

-often insecure about my weight, appearance, etc.

-a big fan of bare feet

-compassionate and kind

-attentive to the needs of others

-hard-working, especially when I know it pleases others (also a weakness . . . I'm not as self-disciplined, in areas that wouldn't impact other people positively)

-not given to anger or rash decisions

-critical thinker

-often bossy, and disrespectful to my family (both stemming from thinking more highly of myself and what I do than I should)

-punctual

-an appreciative listener of piano and guitar playing

-still a little girl in many ways, but old beyond my years in other ways

-changed, from who I was last year

-grateful for Christ's sacrifice on the cross

-one who has dealt with the pain of loss and change a lot recently, especially in friendships. . . I know it's natural, but it aches to lose the closeness of relationships

-whatever the opposite of rebellious is (compliant?)

-thankful for her parents, because who they are has helped me form so much of who I am, especially in my faith

-undisciplined in many areas

-a good cook

-a bad seamstress

-one of those weird people who get satisfaction from cleaning house

-organized

-meticulous, good at paying attention to detail

-redeemed by Christ

Who are you?

2011-03-14T20:14:00.001-05:00

My heart aches tonight.
I'm trying to be strong and do what's right.
But it's so hard.

Why Do We Worship?

2011-03-10T10:51:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about worship lately. Both in the context of what we typically think of as worship (music in a church setting), and in the context of living lives of worship.

First, in living lives of worship: I believe that God created us to worship. It's a desire we all have. However, like usual, sin mars the story. As sinful beings, when we look around ourselves here on this earth, we see a multitude of things we could worship, and too often, we do worship those things. Lately, I've seen this in my own life mostly in relationships. God has designed us with a great capacity for loving others, and He works through those in our lives to show us His love. Relationship, however, should be based on how God is working through the relationship, as well as a mutual love/respect for each other based on who God has made you. When we start to value a person, but take God out of the equation, that can easily lead to "worship" - and like I said at the beginning, God created us to worship, not to be worshiped. Worship in relationships only leads to disappointment. Worshiping God however, leads to fulfillment.

Second, worship in the context of church: How does your church worship? There are many different "worship styles" out there, everything from heavy rock bands to a solemn organ. Last night, I experienced a very emotionally driven worship service. It got me to thinking. The purpose of our worship is for God. Yes, because of our intimacy with Him, we also benefit greatly from worship. But the number one reason we worship is because of the greatness of God - it's so that we can try, in our feeble and imperfect way, to tell Him who we've seen Him to be. Worship can often awake strong emotion in us, because it's a time of communion with the Creator. However, sometimes I think that some music styles are designed to create that emotion, rather than to worship God. Often times, the words are shallow, and about us - what we're feeling, what we're doing, etc. They repeat endlessly, causing an increasing build-up of emotion. It might sound good, but when we stop to think about the ultimate purpose of worship, it seems silly. For example, "I praise you, Jesus." What does that mean? All you're doing is saying what you are doing. If I were to want to serve someone, but instead, just stood in front of them and said "I'm serving you," that would be awfully silly, wouldn't it?

There is a flip side to this. Like I said, worship often does evoke strong emotion, even when it isn't written and performed in a way that forces that. But sometimes, worship can be so burdensome and well . . . boring. . . that it's nearly impossible to really have communion with God in that time. When you are focused on trying to figure out the melody, and wondering over what the meaning of some words are, it can be difficult to actually praise God.

In both of these settings though, I see that worship is a matter of the heart. If you worship in song because it makes you feel good, or because it's just another part of the service, you aren't worshiping "in Spirit and in truth." Our hearts have to enter worship with a right attitude towards God - who He is, and what He's done. If we start with that, I believe that the appropriate lyrical choices, musical styles, and congregational response to worship will follow.

Valentine's Dinner

2011-02-19T19:19:00.004-06:00

The CCF guys at Truman always host a fancy dinner on Valentine's Day weekend for the girls of CCF. They walk around in groups and serenade us, offer valet and coat checking services, and cook/serve us a delicious meal . . . in turn, the girls get all dressed up and have a lovely evening with friends! I went for the first time this year, and here are some photos:

Memorizing

2011-02-14T01:01:00.002-06:00

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them, and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
But those who trust in idols, who say to images, 'You are our gods,'
will be turned back in utter shame."
Isaiah 42:16-17

Work, and other News

2011-02-09T13:47:00.003-06:00

I'm currently sitting at my desk at my place of employment here on campus. The Student Health Center keeps me busy - just 4 hours a week, to pay for my university scholarships, so it's not too much. I mostly just answer the phone, schedule appointments, prepare charts, file charts, etc. On Wednesdays, I stay by the phone during the staff meeting. The phone isn't ringing at the moment, so I'm free to blog!

School is going well. We had two snow days last week because of the blizzard that blew through our lovely little town. I went out one evening with a group of people, and fell into all kinds of huge drifts - it was wondrous. I decided that it displayed God's handiwork in a similar way that a Tornado does. . . not so much the way a cute little puppy does. :) This week, I have two tests, which I started the long process of studying for on Monday. They shouldn't be too hard, but you can't ever be too prepared, right?

Other than that, I'm not doing too much these days. CCF is still a major part of my life - two weekly services, a small group, and being discipled by an older girl. That has been really great - the wisdom and perspective of other people can be so helpful for day-to-day life! I've also been making new friends with some of the girls my age who are in CCF. I love making new friends who share my love for the Lord!

TeeVee

2011-01-25T16:25:00.006-06:00

Oh Hi.
So, school has started slowly. Not a whole lot to do. But, the good news is, that Netflix is G-R-E-A-T! And, I've been catching up on a whole 18 years of not watching TV. Let me give you a look at what entertains me these days:

I must confess that this is my favorite show.
The names, pineapples, magic head. . . how can you go wrong?

Also a great show. More intense and intellectual than Psych,
and the tie to psychology intrigues me to no end. And British
accents are my fav.

OCD is a serious condition. I am really not a fan of mocking
serious conditions. But this show. . . you've just got to watch
it. If you've ever had any kind of a aversion to germs, or know
anyone who has, you will get a real kick out of it. :)

So yes - these keep me pretty busy! What shows do you like?

Start Fresh!

2011-01-12T21:48:00.002-06:00

Back at school. For the first time yet this year, it's beginning to really feel like home. Of course, they say that "home is where the heart is" - if that's the case, then I have my home spread out all over the place. And yes, much of it is here in Kville. :) CCF tonight was really special - it's so amazing how being brothers and sisters in Christ can make a room full of mostly strangers seem like family.

We have to journal about our New Year's Resolutions for one of my classes. Interesting assignment, especially if you're like me, and have given up on the idea of resolutions. :) But I feel that a large part of resolving is tied in with reflecting. Resolving incorporates the idea of change, and how can you change to the "new" unless you're clear on what the "old" was?

My "old" isn't fun to reflect on. Most of 2010 in my life felt like a war-zone. How do you resolve change from that? But each day is a fresh start. The sermon I heard on Sunday urged Christians to look at each day of this coming year as an unopened gift under the tree, that God has given us. I guess my main resolution then is to live in wonder and expectation of each new day, and to recognize that One is directing my days.

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which
God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "
Philippians 3:13b &14

The White Christmas

2010-12-29T12:34:00.001-06:00

photos by Dad

The Whirlwind of Christmas

2010-12-29T11:37:00.004-06:00

This was actually taken over Thanksgiving break.
Stress relief after an afternoon of family photos!

This was part of the crowd we had over
for our first annual cookie decorating party!

In our Christmas pajamas!

Christmas afternoon at the Hickles' house
was full of singing and music of all varieties!

Photos from the Fall

2010-12-29T10:25:00.007-06:00

I know I haven't been posting many pictures lately, but here are some from this past fall.

On our trip out to Colorado for David and Emily's wedding, our good friend Carl encouraged Abby and me to climb the sign. We did, and it was SO cool!! Mum didn't want to though.

A trip to Mark's grandparents' farm yielded some fun photo opportunities.

Family Defined

2010-12-24T14:42:00.003-06:00

Christmas Eve is here, and I'm sure many of you are off to see Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. Christmas is one of the best times of the year for spending time with family. Traditions abound, and so much love is shared - I know how much I always enjoy spending time with my siblings and parents this time of year.

But recently, I was thinking about Jesus (after all, Christmas is about Him, right?) and His response to family. Remember this passage from Luke?

"Now Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him, but they were not able to get near him because of the crowd. Someone told him, 'Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you.' He replied, 'My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.'" [8:19-21]

I think we often read this with subtle shock, as Jesus seems to totally set aside his mother and brothers. Were they really that unimportant, that he wouldn't give them any kind of special treatment at all? I think though, that Jesus is here just blowing open our definition of family. While family is fantastic, I think we often have a tendency, especially around Christmas, to narrow our view of who "counts" as family. But if we truly desire to live like Jesus did, we'll have to expand our definition as well.

Family is defined as "those who hear God's word and put it into practice." In the Hall household, extended relatives have often been far away during the holidays, so I think we kind of fell into this broader definition of family by default. We have many "adopted" Aunts and Uncles, Grandparents and Cousins who we've spent our holidays with. Just today, our house was full of friends, decorating cookies, and we had dinner with our most recent adopted Grandparents, Jan and Gary.

Even Jesus shared His first Christmas with people who weren't blood relatives. The shepherds and the wisemen heard God's word (from the angels, and the star and prophecies), and put it into practice by seeking for the baby. Can you imagine Mary's discomfort? With all the worrying we do about getting the house clean for company. . . she had just had a baby. In a stable, no less. Not exactly a setting you want "non-family" people to see you in. And yet, going back to what Jesus said, they are family.

I think this challenges us to let go of our narrow definition of family, and the stress that comes with it - cleaning frenzies and putting on our "perfect" behavior. Who can we include as "family" this year? And how can we change our hearts, so we can focus more on loving them as family, rather than impressing them?

Hold My Heart - Tenth Avenue North

2010-12-24T00:18:00.001-06:00

How long must I pray, must I pray to You
How long must I wait, must I wait for You
How long 'till I see Your face
See You shining through

I'm on my knees
Begging You to notice me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why

'Cause I'm on my knees
Begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees
Father, will You run to me?

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One life is all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?

Hold my heart
Could You hold my heart?
Hold my heart

Argyle. It's In.

2010-12-21T21:57:00.004-06:00

I hope you like the new look. I was thinking about someone special and his interest in argyle, so this is for him. :) Let me show you some of my favorite items in argyle:

The Classic Sweater Vest

Comfy Socks

And most importantly, Babies.

The Sad

2010-12-18T01:35:00.004-06:00

This post on another blog really hit home for me when I read it several days ago. I think the hardest times in life are when you don't have people you feel like you can tell the sad to. It's those times that you learn to spend your entire day at the side of the Savior, whispering to Him your secret fears, sadness, and hurt. As Scripture tells us, Jesus is one familiar with suffering - in Him we can always find a listening ear.

Today, I want to challenge you to be that friend for someone in your life. Undoubtedly, you are surrounded by people who need a friend to tell the sad to. Strive to develop that kind of friendship someone so you are there for them when the really hard times come.

On another note, I am home for 3.5 weeks. This is a glorious thing, but it didn't soak in entirely until Family Band tonight - makes me feel right at home to be with family and dear friends all at once.

Snow Flakes Keep Falling on My Head. . .

2010-12-13T10:00:00.003-06:00

We got our first snow up here in the northern lands of Kville. I would go take pictures for you, but let me give you a gander at the temperatures we've had:

Yesterday morning: 4 degrees, feels like -11
This morning: 1 degree, feels like -13

So, it's beautiful. Just take my word for it. ;)

Home

2010-12-08T00:36:00.002-06:00

But every house where Love abides,

And Friendship is a guest,
Is surely home, and home-sweet-home:
For there the heart can rest.

by Henry Van Dyke

Only 1 week until I am home again!

Winter

2010-12-03T00:32:00.003-06:00

It's officially winter up here in Kirksville. Coats, hats, scarves, and the occasional ear muffs are making an appearance, and we even had our first snow! I have been celebrating by drinking at least two mugs of tea a day, and curling up in my comfy chair with a blanket and sketch book whenever I can.

God works in strange ways. Take winter, for example. I mean, the cold weather and wind really aren't very fun at all. Nobody likes that - am I right? And yet, some of the most beautiful parts of God's creation can't be seen if it doesn't get at least below freezing. Frozen waterfalls, snowy mountains, and ice covered trees. . . even if you don't like cold, you have to admit that the resulting phenomenons of nature are breathtaking.

I hate the cold though. And I hate the feeling of being trapped in a situation you can't understand or reason through, and you can't seem to escape from. The only way to keep going on is to remember how beautiful the snow is - and, to remember that God will bring that beauty, in time. Keep trusting, as you wait.

Giving Thanks

2010-11-25T20:12:00.003-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving, friends. It's been a full day. My great-grandmother passed away this afternoon, at the age of 102. She was my last remaining great-grandparent, since another great-grandma passed away just a couple of weeks ago. Keep my grandparents in your prayers as they work through two estates these next few months. Tomorrow, we're headed home and then I'm back to school on Sunday afternoon. It's been a short week - honestly, right now I just want to get back to school and finish up the final two weeks of the semester! I hope you've all had a nice time with family and friends this week.

Change

2010-11-21T20:40:00.004-06:00

As fall turns to winter, and the leaves start falling from the trees, I'm reminded that change is an inevitable part of life. Thankfully, our seasons cycle through these changes in a predictable pattern, so that even when autumn is gone, we know it will be back again. Often, I wish that the changes in life were so predictable. Some are - the "social clock" that we follow does dictate much of the natural change in life. Graduating high school, starting and completing college, getting married, choosing a career . . . transitioning from one life stage to the next is an anticipated part of life.

However, it is hard to predict how these changes will affect the inner workings of our heart, our relationships, and how we view the world. Sometimes, it's in a positive way, as we draw closer to a loved one, find new friendships, and develop a greater understanding of others. However, I have found recently that I dread the changes that are happening - drawing apart from old friends, losing the support of relationships that once were quite alive, and finding that I no longer understand the choices that some people make.

And I don't like that.

Concert Chaos

2010-11-11T14:03:00.002-06:00

Being on the Concert committee of SAB this year, I got to be right in the thick of our big fall concert last Saturday. Relient K and Jack's Mannequin came to Truman - my job? To make sure that all of the band members and their crew had everything their hearts' desired. Thankfully, these artists were some of the most gracious people I have ever met. The lead guy of Jack's, Andrew, was so thankful for everything we did for him, and some of the guys on Relient K went so far as to ask me what my name was, and how my day had been going so far. Plus, they put on an AWESOME show! It was a long, chaotic weekend, but well worth it. :)
I'll post the photos of me with the guys as soon as I get them!

The Love of a Cynic

2010-11-03T14:40:00.005-05:00

What does it mean to love someone?
It's a phrase that we as humans tend to over-use.

I think that if I Corinthians 13 teaches us anything, it's that "love is a verb" - loving others is a conscious choice and effort we have to make. It's not just based about how sentimentally or warm and fuzzy we might feel about someone else.

Now this action of love will look different for the different kinds of love we have for people, and for the different people we love. Age old friendships will be different than romantic love, and family members to whom you're committed to loving might get different treatment from that brand new crush you've developed. Also, not everyone will appreciate a love that lavishes gifts, and some people really don't find love in a comforting hug. The love languages are a good way to break that aspect of love down. You can find out more about that here. I find it terribly interesting and have been known for making people take the quiz. Apologies if you have been subjected to this.

Sometimes I ask myself though - if someone says the words "I love you," but never display that in any other way, what does that really mean?(No, saying "I love you" once a month doesn't exactly count as words of affirmation.) Should I even bother to care that they "love" me? This sounds selfish - I know.

But it hurts. When I love, I try to love with everything. Words to encourage, actions to serve, hugs and just being close to someone, taking the time to do things they like to do, and giving gifts. I know I'm not perfect at this - not at all. But I sure try to at least do something to SHOW my love - if I'm not going to try, I don't say "I love you."

It just makes me want to curl up in a dark corner when people tell me "I love you" and don't do any of these things. It makes me wonder what it really means for them to say that.

Peace with God

2010-10-30T15:13:00.001-05:00

Romans 5:1

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

It's so good that our peace on this earth is not dependent on other people or our circumstances. If it were, I know that I would never feel peace. But the Bible continually tells us that if we have been redeemed, we have peace with God. Think back - this world has a long history of struggle with God. Ever since the fall in the Garden, the chaos of this world is in such opposition to the glory of our God. And yet, we can now be at peace with God.

Now peace with God doesn't mean that our lives won't have trouble, struggle, pain, or hurt. Not at all - those things are still so present and sometimes it sure seems like they are surrounding us to the point of suffocation. And yet, our status with God means that we can have peace with Him in the midst of that chaos.

The story of the the "sinful woman" in Luke 7:36-50 is a beautiful illustration of this. She was someone who lived in a world of struggle and chaos. Her encounter with Jesus changed that forever - they shared an intimate moment. Scripture doesn't record anything that she said, only her tears. But Jesus told her that her sins were forgiven, her faith had saved her, and that she should go in peace. Did she go out of that house suddenly able to easily forsake her sinful life and into a world of butterflies and rainbows? Not at all - but from then on, she was able to say that she was forgiven, and that she had peace with God.

When peace seems elusive, take a moment to rest in the peace that is always attainable.

Prayer

2010-10-20T13:45:00.002-05:00

Quick thought:
Prayer is crazy. If I were God, I probably would have called it quits after sacrificing the life of my only son for people who didn't have any idea what was going on, and often don't even appreciate it when it when they do hear about it. But then, he goes another step. . . not only does he redeem us so that we can live in heaven with him forever, but he also says, "Hey guys, I want you to have a chance to know me here on earth too! Let's get started on this relationship now, so that this time we have apart, before eternity, will be awesome too!"

Whaa??! God wants to take time to get to know me and really wants to just spend time with me? As if justifying me from my sins wasn't enough. . .

Prayers flying today.

By Faith, Abraham. . .

2010-10-14T23:13:00.001-05:00

Romans 4 talks about how Abraham’s faith was credited to him as righteousness. It says that “ . . . he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” The passage also encourages us to walk in the footsteps of faith that Abraham displayed. Let’s take a minute to look at those footsteps.

1. God told Abraham to leave his homeland and go to the land God had for him. And he did – just like that. The Bible doesn’t say that he wasted any time getting prepared or putting his affairs in order. He just went. Remember when in Genesis this took place? It’s the first thing we really hear about after the great Flood and the tower of Babel incident. As a human, what must Abraham’s impression of God have been? I would have been terrified, and definitely not inclined to obey immediately. But 75-year-old Abraham just packed up his family and took off.

2. Fast forward 24 years (during which time Abraham has been wandering all over the place, living in Canaan, visiting Egypt, having a son with his wife’s servant girl, etc.). God comes to Abraham again, with two words for him. First, the good news – a son! Old Abraham, and his old wife are going to have a child. Naturally, Abraham laughs. You would too if you were 99 and promised a son! But then, the other news – circumcision. Take a minute and consider what this meant for Abraham . . . to circumcise himself and all of his grown, adult manservants. Do you think he wanted to do this, or found any logic in this command of God? But he did it – he “did not waver.”

3. The last example I want to bring before you is the testing of Abraham. His promised son has been born, as God promised – what a wonderful blessing that must have been to him and Sarah! To see the promise of the Lord finally fulfilled! And then, God asks him to do the impossible. He asks Abraham to sacrifice his son on an altar. Theology and the nature of God would have provided Abraham with so many excuses to not obey. “But I know you’re a loving God,” “Surely you don’t delight in human sacrifices,” . . . the list goes on. And yet, through FAITH, Abraham displays a practical obedience and does what God has asked.

How can we do this? Are there times in our lives when God calls us to obey, but we resist because of the excuses our idea of Christianity gives us? I think that faith requires relationship – it requires knowing the one you trust. We have to be fully persuaded of the faithfulness of God in order to trust Him. That’s hard to do. It’s hard when you’re going through dark days. It sure doesn’t seem like God is fulfilling His promises when you’re in the heat of spiritual warfare, physical exhaustion, or emotional break-down. It’s in those times that it is most important for us to follow the footsteps of Abraham, and practically obey God’s command to trust in Him.

More Love

2010-10-13T16:49:00.003-05:00

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to attend another wedding. David Hickle and Emily Rader tied the knot, out at the Airforce Academy in Colorado Springs! It was a very exciting weekend, since we drove out, had the wedding and reception, and drove back all between 6:30 am on Friday and 2:30 pm on Sunday. The wedding went so well - everything was beautiful. I love watching the faces of the bride and groom - despite any stress in the planning that went into the wedding, their faces are nothing but pure joy when he first sees her coming down the aisle. I heard a rumor that the kiss at their wedding was the first kiss that they shared . . .David sure got his money's worth out of it. :) It was very special though - I was so honored to be there when these two people who are so important to me joined their lives. I can't wait to get to know them even better in the coming years as they build their lives together!

Thoughts of the Morning After

2010-10-03T11:49:00.004-05:00

Mmmm. Sitting here with my warm cup of coffee, and the scent of my flowers from last night gently wafting over from the counter. It's so chilly outside this morning, which makes me more happy than I can express - I'm curled up in my yoga pants and my sister's flannel button-up, just keeping warm and savoring life.

Last night was so wonderful. My "kindred spirit", Ashley Lou, was married to the love of her life, Mr. Joel Eldredge. Weddings don't really mean that much unless you are close to the ones joining their lives. And as I think over last night, this morning after, I have so much I could say. The one thing that stands out however, is the focus of the wedding.

In all the preparation for the wedding - the weeks previous, the scrambling around the day of - the focus is on two people, the bride and the groom. Everything centers around what they want their special day to look like, as well it should. The girls' "getting ready" room is a flutter with hairspray, double-sided tape (miraculous stuff!), needles and thread, breath mints, pantyhose (or not, as the case may be), bouquets, and dainty snacks. The guys are in the basement, putting on their suits and. . . . well, I'm not sure what all else goes on down there. :) Everyone is so focused on getting these two very special people ready to join their lives!

And then the wedding. It flies by, as you stand up there watching it happen right in front of you. Then, it's final - they are one.

And then, just like that, it all changes. The reception is filled with couple activities. The family, the guests, and the wedding party all now talk about "them", and no longer "her" and "him". It's a slight change, but one that the maid of honor notices quit acutely. My job shifted drastically - from seeing to the bride's every need and making sure things were just how she wanted it, to stepping back and watching Joel do such a better job of that then I ever could. It was really a wonderful picture . . . and, I have no doubt that he will make a wonderful husband for my Ashley Lou. :)

So, Ashley and Joel - congratulations, once again.

" . . they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:8-9

I'm Back

2010-09-28T21:18:00.006-05:00

Back to blogging. . . maybe. No guarantees that this is a permanent return. I think I know myself (and my schedule!) better than to promise that. However, I will try to give a brief run-down of what's been keeping me away from this blog.

1. Summer was pretty great. I worked at Camp David of the Ozarks again, as the Office Manager this year. It was another awesome experience, to get to be a part of changed lives. My friends Mark, Alida, Nathan, Ashley, Ian, Carl, Katie (and other I can't think of right now) also worked there, which made it even more fun! Grace, the camp director's wife, had a baby boy the first week of camp, named Jabari. He is precious and I just loved getting to spend time around a baby, and also getting to spend more time around Grace.

Zephan and Katie, who were married in June
and now live in Columbia with Alpacas.

Jabari (Grace holding him)

2. Summer wasn't all work and no play - I got to take a camping/hiking weekend to Johnson's Shut-Ins and Elephant Rocks early in the summer, with Mark, Zephan, Katie, and Trent. Over 4th of July weekend, we had a nice family reunion at Grandma and Grandpa's house in Illinois. Early in August, my friend Alida and I took Isaac up to the other Grandparent's house, in St. Paul. After that, we spent the week hanging out in St. Paul and Minneapolis, which was great (except for the flat tire I got. . . 3rd one in less than a year). And then, the last trip of the summer was a week-long vacation in Colorado. Andy, Mark and I drove out there - our old friend Hannah, who lives in Denver, hosted us for the week, and our friend Julianna flew in from California. It was such a great time - Mark and I even had a day that we spent hiking together, and it was fantastic.

Group of friends in Denver

3. I'm back at school. Second year, new dorm, new roommate and suitemates, new classes. . . so far it's been pretty good. Nothing too amazing has happened, just plugging away like always! I've been really busy. SAB has been a lot more time consuming this year, but that's good - I like feeling more involved in it. CCF has been really good so far this year too - I feel very at home there, which is a nice thing to feel when you're away from your physical family . . . to feel apart of the family of My dear friend Ashley is getting married this Saturday, and she totally honored me by asking me to be her maid of honor! I was so excited and it's been great to spend time with her helping with wedding stuff. I can't wait to start calling her the Newest Mrs. Eldredge!

Ashley and Joel

That's all. :) You should e-mail me to catch me up on YOUR life now!

Much love,
Becky aka Rebekah

Update

2010-05-16T16:02:00.003-05:00

I'm HOME! My first year of college is done, and it feels good to be back in Rolla with my family for the summer. The last couple weeks of my semester went well - busy, which is why blogging took back seat. :) Mum came to move me out on Tuesday of finals week, but I started feeling sad around Sunday evening about leaving my Truman friends. I had to clean my room (I vacuumed my room for the very first time all year!), and Liz and I enjoyed joking around about our different approaches to cleanliness, since we're going to be roommates next year.

Everyone came out and saw me off, and then Abby, Mum, and I took a tour of campus and used up my extra meals.

After getting home, I've been spending a lot of time just hanging around here at home. This summer, I'm working out at Camp David in the office again. My best friend Alida is also working there, so we drive out and back together everyday - what a fun and unexpected blessing for me! I'm not sure yet how long I'll be working there, but at least until June 18th. I'm hoping to continue my work throughout the rest of the summer too, but we will see.

Other than that, I'm working on finding ways to spend my time. If you have any suggestions, I'd be more than willing to hear them! I really want this summer to be one full of serving others, and becoming more well-rounded, so I can expand my ability to serve God. I would appreciate your prayers as I readjust to living here at home, and try to figure out my place in God's community of believers here in Rolla!

Monday Mullings

2010-04-19T12:36:00.007-05:00

Is mullings a word? Whatever - these are the things I am "mulling" over this Monday. :)

Titus = awesome book of the Bible. This past weekend I had the privilege of attending a retreat at Lake of the Ozarks that was dedicated to going through the book of Titus. Wow - what refreshment, to spend a whole weekend just soaking up God's Word and the wisdom of other Christians!

We covered a lot of different topics this weekend, and I don't think I'm going to take the time to relate all of them to you here. :) However, I did want to share the points from one of the sermons that really was a wonderful reminder. The text was Titus 2:11-14:

¹¹For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. ¹²It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

The speaker talked about how grace has three roles in our lives:
1. Grace brings salvation. I felt like this was a pretty basic thing for us Christians - we are saved by grace, totally a work of God, not us. We're never going to be good enough - even after our salvation though, this is a good thing to remember. . . to be reminded of how we came to where we are now, and our standing with the Holy God that we serve.
2. Grace schools us - it teaches us to say no to ungodliness, and live our new lives. Now this is something I hadn't thought about before - the work of grace after salvation. But isn't the Holy Spirit the one who enables us to live that holy life? And the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives is a major extension of the grace that we have received.
3. Grace "soothes" us. It reminds us of the hope that we have for eternal life. This hope isn't just one we can hold onto as a promise for the future, but something that affects the way we live our lives today!

And our response to this grace is seen in that last phrase - "eager to do what is good." Our gratefulness for His grace prompts our love for Him - and this love creates in us a desire to please God, and makes us eager to do good for Him. The message puts it as being "energetic in goodness."

The lake is beautiful. That's all.

Today I Love. . .

2010-04-12T20:38:00.002-05:00

1. Warm weather
2. Tulips
3. Enjoying life and goofing off with my friends
4. Teasing Liz about being stressed
5. Sunshine
6. Answered prayers
7. Days off school (tomorrow!)
8. Only 3 weeks of school + finals week left this semester
9. Urinals and awkward dinner conversations
10. Micah 7 (NIV) and I Corinthians 12 (Message)
11. Smoothie fetching adventures

12. Getting checks in the mail
13. Giving over to God the staggering price of Nursing books next fall
14. Mark McKenzie's calming soundtracks (The Last Sin Eater)
15. Being woken up from a nap by my favorite voice in the world

16. The Breakfast Club - and that Amanda actually made it today
17. Getting out early from a class
18. Day-dreaming about summer
19. Being ridiculous and laughing hard with my best friend
20. The Father's great Love for me

The End.

Sleepless in Kirksville

2010-03-31T00:30:00.002-05:00

Don't you hate those nights, when you're so exhausted that you lie in bed for hours, unable to sleep? I decided to visit my much-neglected blog this night, as I waited for sleep to come. As I was looking through old posts, I thought I would read through some of the ones that I had labeled as "devotions." I was rather ashamed to see only one that has been written in this year 2010 . . . and that I could count on my hand the ones I have posted since coming to school last fall.

It's funny - I can't quite imagine why I haven't posted any devotional thoughts lately. God sure hasn't gone anywhere - He's still a pretty permanent fixture in my life. In fact, this past month or so has been one of clinging to Him with every once of strength I have. I suppose my times with God and the lessons He's been teaching me are just more personal than I'd care to share on a blog. And that's okay. Hopefully someday, I can go back and share some of what has been going on lately. But for now, I have something that just came to my attention. :)

One of the old posts I read was about Holy Week, and the great Romance of our Savior. Holy Week this year has begun and I hardly realized it! You know, every year when we get to this point, the story is just the same, isn't it? We read the various Gospel's accounts of Jesus' last days, and I think it's pretty tempting to just skim over it, and say "Yeah, yeah, it's all the same information as last year."

But that's the thing - it isn't the same, at least not for those of us who are intimately acquainted with the Author of this story! Because for us, it's also our story. And every year, our lives are at least a somewhat different place than where they were last year, as is our relationship with our Lord. Last year for me, what stood out was the great Love that He showed in His death - I needed that reminder and assurance of His great Love for me.

This year, I'm looking for Hope as I read through. The Hope that after death comes life. Weeping and sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Some days, it's hard to believe that. But as I read the story of my Savior, I see it, plain and clear. Oh Lord - I praise you for your story. And I praise you that, through everything I've faced these past few months, it remains the same. The Hope you offer is still there, and I cling to that.

"Then the disciples went back to their homes, but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

They asked her, 'Woman, why are you crying?'

'They have taken my Lord away,' she said, 'and I don't know where they have put him.' At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

'Woman,' he said, 'why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?'

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, 'Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.'

Jesus said to her, 'Mary.'

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, 'Rabboni!' (which means Teacher).

Jesus said, 'Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, "I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God." ' "

John 20:10-18

What does the story of Holy Week say to you this year?

A Letter

2010-03-30T14:51:00.001-05:00

Dear Kirksville and surrounding areas,

Please don't skip spring.

Love,
Rebekah

Isaac - August 2005

2010-03-18T00:48:00.000-05:00

Reaching the Sky

2010-03-15T21:16:00.003-05:00

I wrote this for an assignment in my English Composition class last year. I found it the other day when going through my documents, and thought I'd share. :)

Reaching the Sky

"Oh no. Today's the day." That was my first thought as I woke up that cold, dreary morning. I was lying on a narrow bottom bunk in a camp cabin. I slowly sat up and stretched, being careful not to bump my head on the heavy oak frame of the bed. My counselor started singing, "Oh what a beautiful morning" in the shower as I watched the other girls in my cabin slowly open their eyes. Hannah Sue, already wide awake, was perched in her top bunk across the room. She called out, "Good morning Becky! Are you ready for today?" Inwardly, I groaned. Today was the day I had been dreading all summer long. It was the first day of an "extreme" week of summer camp for Christian teens from Missouri and Arkansas. I had been convinced to come by a large group of guys from my youth group, but while they were all looking forward to the extreme activities of the week, I was mostly hoping to meet some new friends and enjoy time away from the stress of life. Timid was my middle name, and the thought of trying to be bold, brave, and "extreme" petrified me. Little did I know that those expectations would be challenged in some rather terrifying ways that very first day of camp.

As soon as the entire group was awake and ready to go, all 35 of us piled into the camp bus. I sat in row 7b, next to my friend Mark. When he asked me if I was ready to be "extreme" today, I replied with a sarcastic, "Oh, I can't wait." He brushed it off. "You'll be fine," he said. Outwardly, I agreed and said I was sure it would be fun. Inside however, I was trembling like a leaf in a hurricane. We bumped along dusty back roads for almost half an hour, my fear and tension mounting with each mile. I wondered what our first activity would be. Would we be paintballing, caving, or rappelling? "Or maybe," I thought, "it will be something much scarier than any of those things." I held my breath as the bus pulled around the last bend, and our challenge for that day came into view: a high ropes course. Thirty feet off the ground, the poles and cables towered above us, casting shadows that were lost in the distance. We all scrambled out of the bus and stood gazing at it for a few moments before a sharp clap jerked us out of our reverie. "Let's get going, we want to have as much time up there as possible," yelled out our counselor.

We split into our two groups, and quickly got buckled into our harnesses. The mood was lighthearted for the most part. There was a lot of joking about how incredibly uncomfortable and awkward looking the harnesses were, and lots of discussion about which of the elements of the course looked the most challenging. I stayed quiet, trying to acclimate myself to the idea of spending several hours 30 feet in the air. As we got ready, our guides shared a little about the course and our equipment. With a partner, we would first climb up a 30-foot pole. Then, after crawling up onto a 2-by-2 foot platform, we would, with our partner, step out onto a narrow, but incredibly strong cable. Each cable ran between two poles, and there were different ropes and boards suspended in the air above each one to help us get across. The sets of cables, ropes, and boards each made up an "element." The goal for each element was the same -- advance from the first pole to the second pole. Attached to our harnesses were ropes and "lobster claws," hooks which secured us to cables as we walked. These ropes could be used for support, but the guides challenged us to touch them as little as possible. My immediate thought upon hearing that was, "Well, I really don't think I'll be able to do that! It will be a miracle if I even reach the top." After being briefed on the safety procedures and various rules for up on the course, we began to divide into partners.

I looked around, trying to decide who I should ask to partner with me. I knew this was an important decision. This was the person I would spend over four hours with that afternoon. They would be helping me along with the course -- telling me where to put my feet for each step, offering a hand for assistance, and encouraging me with each step. While I was mulling this over in my mind, Hannah Sue came and asked me to be her partner. I had just met her the day before, but I agreed, knowing she was experienced in all things "extreme."

So we set out, Hannah Sue and I. One pair from each group went up at a time. Hannah Sue said that we should be the first to go up; I told her that I wanted to be the last. We compromised, and went up third in line. She climbed first. Up the pole she shimmied, looking like a monkey who was at home in the jungle. She got to the top, calmly transfered her ropes to the cable, and called down for me to follow. I hesitated. As soon as I picked up my foot and placed it on that first rung, I would be committed to going up. I could not turn back. The thought terrified me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My thoughts finally focused on a single thought. "What if I actually can do this? If I don't go up, I'll never know." With that in my mind, I was ready. I opened my eyes and stepped towards the pole. Then I climbed. I didn't look down and I didn't stop to think about what I was doing. I just climbed. Up, and up, and up, and up, until suddenly, I was at the top. Hannah Sue held out her hand and pulled me onto the platform, all the time telling me that I'd done a great job.

Once she had helped me figure out where to stand, she immediately began planning out our route through the elements. I stood there frozen. Although I had made it up, the challenge was not over. I began to doubt my ability to go on. Hannah Sue, oblivious to my fear, selected our first element, and stepped down, testing the tension of the cord with her foot. Returning to the platform, she turned to me and said, "Are you ready? This is going to be a hard one, but I know we can do it. Let's go across together." It was just what I needed to jerk my attention away from my fears, and back to the matter at hand. She stepped out first. Arms out and not holding onto anything, she balanced herself on the cord, then held out a hand. "Just step onto the cord Becky. It's not too far down, and it's a really easy step," she urged. Once again, I hesitated. "I'm really scared Hannah Sue." There. I had said it. I waited, expecting a flippant remark like "don't be silly." But, to my surprise, Hannah Sue stepped back onto the platform and took my hand. Looking straight into my eyes, she said, "Everyone has fears, Becky. Some are harder to deal with than others, but you will never know how far you can go until you push yourself. I know you can do this." My attention was focused on her as she stepped back down onto the cable. "All right. Take a deep breath and just step down," she coached. I leaned out, grasped her hand, and took that first step. Then, I willed my second foot to join my first. We both balanced and slowly started to shuffle along the cable, hands clasped. Suddenly, I lurched to the right. A scream almost escaped my lips, but Hannah Sue quickly leaned to her right and steadied the cord until I regained my balance. We moved on, step by step. Before I knew it, we were finished and stepping onto the second platform. I looked and Hannah Sue and she said, with a twinkle in her eye, "Well, that wasn't so bad after all, was it?" I laughed. We looked at each other, and said together, "Let's do the next one!" This time, although she still lead the way, I stepped out with excitement and anticipation. The rest of the afternoon, we danced across the elements like butterflies, always finding new and more challenging ways to accomplish each one. As we rode down the zip line at the end and landed safely on the ground, I found myself feeling oddly satisfied. Suddenly it came to me -- I had faced my fear of heights, and I had conquered.

Looking back on that week, the first thing that comes to mind isn't all the friends I made. It's not the time spent relaxing in my cabin, or the fun activites I did around the camp. In fact, my fondest memories weren't made when I was safely on the ground; they were made high up in the sky, as I balanced and tottered my way to confidence, holding the hand of Hannah Sue. It was there I learned the importance of teamwork and encouragement. It was there I first found that your fears are only as great as you allow them to be. And it was there I discovered that I could do the impossible.

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

2010-03-11T09:57:00.000-06:00

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

listen

More Ado About Nothing

2010-03-02T15:41:00.002-06:00

This looks delicious. I can't wait until I get home on Friday so I can try it!

And yes. Yes I am cheating on this Tuesday post, and just posting links to other things, no original thoughts involved. I apologize.

And while I'm at it. . . The Quakkelaar Family has been doing a really neat Lenten fast, and blogging about it! Check it out here, for some legit encouragement.

Us

2010-03-02T10:57:00.002-06:00

This is Us.

Behold the Throne of God Above

2010-02-26T17:55:00.003-06:00

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,
Risen Son of God!

Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I am,
The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God

listen
Words: Charitie Bancroft, 1863. Music: William Bradbury, 1861.

Capital Punishment, Athlete's Foot, and Poor Man's Tea

2010-02-24T16:31:00.003-06:00

I sat here for a good 5 minutes after writing that post title, trying to figure out a creative way of tying those three items together. Nothing came to me, so let's tackle them all separately, shall we? (A alternate title for this post could be, "No, I have not taken any pictures recently")

My Ethics class this semester has been going surprisingly well. I was rather tentative to jump into the discussion of such a class at a secular, state university, but I have been pleasantly surprised at the intelligence fellow classmates have displayed when expressing their views on subjects. Our group discussion on abortion made it apparent that the majority of my group (about half of the class is in each discussion group) was opposed to abortion - I find that shocking! On Monday, our group will be discussing the death penalty and capital punishment. I am responsible for writing a short paper which I will present on (not read through, but just state the thesis and main arguments) that day. I'm slightly apprehensive, considering I honestly don't know what I think about the death penalty. However, we were asked to get as specific as possible, and cover one aspect of the issue. I'm going to look into lethal injection - a history of it's use, the doctors who administer it, and the morality/ethics of doctors (who are called to preserve life) taking life in this way. I'll let you know how it goes!

Second item of business - I have athlete's foot. It just disgusting, it really is. Don't worry, I won't insist on showing you next time I'm home or anything. I am currently attacking it with a vengeance, using some cream that my dad recommended. His response, when I asked him what I should do about athlete's foot? "I didn't know girls could get athlete's foot!" Thanks, Dad, for that vote of confidence!

And lastly - as a poor college student (or rather, as a college student who is not perhaps the most diligent about going to Walmart and keeping herself supplied with necessities), I have found that I often run out of things I like. Such as tea-bags. And because my car is parked in a parking lot that is still piled high with snow, I've found an alternative to tea bags. *Disclaimer: I do not in any way recommend making "tea" in this way. It doesn't taste all that great or anything.* I simply take mints from the dining hall, and then plop them into my cup of hot water, allowing them to dissolve. While this works pretty well as a sweetener with regular tea. . . it tastes kind of bland with just plain water. But I'm not complaining - it beats drinking hot water straight, and is a lot easier than making myself of a pot of coffee!

Report on this morning's temperature: 0 degrees, -12 degrees wind chill.

Sleep Walking and Talking

2010-02-16T19:13:00.003-06:00

Well, it's official. I talk, and walk, in my sleep.

My roommate Blair, as you may remember, was in a car accident the third week of last semester, and did not live in our room for the remaining 13 weeks of the semester. She rejoined me at the beginning of this semester, and I am SO glad to have her back.

However, she has awakened me (no pun intended) to the fact that I talk in my sleep, and seem to walk as well. Apparently, 3 or 4 times a week, she hears me talking. I don't say anything very intelligible (or embarrassingly revealing!), but she says that sometimes it sounds like I'm answering my phone, but no one has called, and I normally say something like, "Why did you call, I'm trying to sleep!"

But last night was the first night that I walked. I remember it as part of my dream, but I had to ask Blair this morning what exactly I did. She said that I,
1. Climbed out of my (loft!) bed, carrying my pillow and blanket,
2. Put my pillow and blanket on the floor by my desk,
3. Left the room (I think I went to the bathroom - that was part of my dream, anyway),
4. Came back into the room, and stood still for about a minute, looking at where I had laid my pillow and blanket,
5. Laid down on the floor where they were for a little bit,
and 6. Picked up my pillow and blanket, crawled back into bed, and went to sleep.

It's not that weird, but I'm slightly concerned about myself. I had no idea that I walked in my sleep, or that I could remember and enter in my bathroom code, and use the restroom in my sleep. That's a little scary.

What a Day

2010-02-11T16:11:00.004-06:00

Well, it's one of those days. I woke up this morning feeling pretty sick, I have a big test tomorrow that I need to study for, and I got a flat tire, in the snow. Flat tires really are the most humbling experience in the world. Honestly, much of the time I would rather have to change it myself than to admit to someone that I need help, then watch them change it for me. However, as I was driving back from Walmart, mulling over in my mind what a hard day this has been, I decided that I needed to stop and pick out the bright spots.

1.) I got to sleep in until 9:00 this morning, because my 7:30 class was canceled.
2.) I got some exercise with a really good ab work-out, something I could do to stay active even though I'm not feeling well.
3.) Brian, a staff guy from CCF was driving by right as I was discovering my flat tire, and helped me by changing it, and recommending a shop where I could get it fixed if I didn't want to go to Walmart. What a HUGE blessing for a college girl who is 3 hours away from parents who normally take care of that kind of thing.
4.) Running into my small group leader at lunch today - I told him that I wasn't feeling well, and he said not to worry about it if I couldn't make it to small group this afternoon. That just helped me feel much less stressed about skipping it and resting instead this afternoon.
5.) My little coffee maker, which I used for the first time this afternoon, to brew myself coffee from a very special bag of coffee grounds. <3

Thanks, God - for looking after your children even on the most frustrating of days. Help us to remember our blessings always, good times and bad!

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

2010-02-10T14:07:00.002-06:00

How I Go About Doing College

2010-02-09T19:04:00.004-06:00

I have quite the reputation around here when it comes to homework. Rumor has it that I don't really study. Ever. At all. And it's kind of true.

A wise man once told me that studying is overrated. Okay - so it was a fellow college student, and I'm pretty sure he was joking. But I chose to take him seriously, and I haven't studied much since then.

Liz studies. She comes in here every night before we have an Anatomy quiz and I test her on diagrams of bones. Then, I always let her test me. But I don't really study it - I'm normally all over the room, cleaning up, making my bed, etc. while she's trying to get me to pay attention.

Laurel studies. We have "study" parties rather frequently - in fact, we're having one right now. Note that I am blogging during this designated "study party."

Blair studies. Boy, does she ever. I think Blair spends more time studying than she does doing anything else, except maybe sleeping. She makes me look bad, she really does.

I sure feel like I study and do homework a lot. However, I'm afraid that most of the time I think I'm spending on homework, I'm actually taking a nap, or e-mailing people, or talking to friends (and distracting them from studying). I know I studied a lot last semester, especially for math. I think I probably spent at least 2 days studying for my final in that class. I know it was probably 3 hours or more of time total, and that was just exhausting!

But I'm scared, guys - scared that one of these days this semester, I'm going to have to study! And then. . . well, then I will see that I probably should have been studying all along. But until that day comes, I plan to continue blindly upon my present course. So cheers, to those of you who study! Someday, I'll learn from you. . .

Intimacy

2010-02-02T16:30:00.001-06:00

"Once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely and we never lack for understanding or compassion. We can continually pour out our hearts to Him without being perceived as overly emotional or pitiful. The Christian who is truly intimate with Jesus will never draw attention to himself but will only show the evidence of a life where Jesus is completely in control. This is the outcome of allowing Jesus to satisfy every area of life to its depth. The picture resulting from such a life is that of the strong, calm balance that our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him."
-My Utmost for His Highest, January 7th

"The strong, calm balance" . . . when I read this devotion back in January, I had no idea that this concept of intimacy and quiet before our Lord would be such a hard lesson to learn. I didn't set out to learn it by any means - in fact, I've actually been running away from it for the past several weeks. When I returned to Truman from Christmas break at home, life quickly picked up and started moving at it's usual break-neck speed. SAB, CCF, spending time with friends, small groups, Howdys, planning events, meetings, homework, classes, keeping in touch with friends back home. . . I was overwhelmed. Each night, when I finally gave in to my desperate need for sleep, I would lie awake for hours, exhausted physically and emotionally, but with my mind rushing with everything that still had yet to be done. And every morning, the alarm came far too quickly, for I never woke up feeling any more rested than I had when I went to bed.

One night a week or so ago, in the midst of all this chaos, a friend asked how they could pray for me. I decided to be honest and said, "Pray that I would start taking time for my own relationship with God, and not constantly focusing on my relationship with others, and on their issues in life and their relationships with God." Our conversation moved on from there, and I would have forgotten entirely about it had, God not inserted Himself into the situation.

This past week has been almost frightening. My daily e-mail devotions, the sermon on Sunday, conversations with 3 of my friends, my small group meeting this Monday, and all the other spiritual inputs into my life have all had one focus -- Slow down. Cut back on your schedule. Make time for God. Learn to be a "Mary" and not a "Martha." Place God as your first priority, not just another item on the to-do list. Develop intimacy with Him and don't be content with a casual acquaintance. And through it all, the recurring theme that if I were to do this and pursue God, this "strong, calm balance" would be the result, replacing my usual exhaustion and stress.

This isn't one of those stories about how I made a 180 degree turn-around and my life is suddenly perfect - far from it! I am still in the very beginning stages of learning how to apply these truths to my busy college life. But God knows what He's up to, and He has placed people in my life this semester who are there to help me out. So I just wanted to write this in order to encourage you to also make your pursuit of God first priority in your life, no matter who you are. We are all busy, but somehow, that ceases to be a good excuse when you think of the Cross, doesn't it? Let's learn together how to slow down and be still and quiet before our God, developing that intimacy with Him that He asks us for.

Yours, from the chilly northern climate,
Rebekah

A Cast of Characters

2010-01-28T14:55:00.001-06:00

Truman has brought such a variety of new people into my life! I've been amazed to see the many relationships God has built in the few months that I've been here. Let me introduce you to a few of the main characters in the story of my life these days:

This is Liz Hoffman. She plays the role of the Person I Spend the Most Time With. We’re planning on rooming together next year. Liz is also a nursing student, and is actively involved in the Newman Center (the Catholic student org. on campus). My favorite things about her are how honest and loyal she is. And, she’s the only one of my friends who gives as much as she gets from me when it comes to “mothering.” :)

Here, we have Virginia Hiendelmayr. She plays the role of Diversity in my life, because life is always different and fresh and new with VA around. She’s studied abroad and worked in both Austria and Spain, and is taking 3 foreign languages this semester alone! I love her cheerful spirit – she always makes me laugh. I’m hoping to bring her to CCF with me sometime soon. She used to be part of the Christian Science church, but is looking for something else right now. . . and I just so happen to think I know One who can satisfy that search. :)

This is the lovely Laurel Bellamy. Her role in this story is Adventure Buddy – just yesterday we braved the cold for a shopping trip to downtown Kirksville! Laurel also comes to CCF with me on a regular basis, and has just joined the nursing program this semester. I love how goofy Laurel can be, and also how much she honestly desires to pursue God in the way she lives her life here at Truman.

This lady is Gretchen Smiles. She’s a grad student here, and although I don’t really hang out with her very often, she’s been a big part of my life here. I cast her as The Encourager. She was my small group leader last semester, and it was so great to spend time talking with her about our faith. I’m going to miss her when she moves back to Chicago and starts teaching next year! She’s going to be a Special Ed. teacher too, which is very near to my heart.

This is Amanda Schaffner. I find her to be the Constant in my life. She’s always good for a laugh, someone to talk with, hanging out. . . really just whatever I need. She’s a Bio major, and is athletic and beautiful and fun to be with. I started the year out going to CCF and she started out at Campus Crusade (CRU), but now we both go to both. :) I love her SO much and I’m looking forward to having 3 more years around here.

It is quite natural to follow Amanda with this young lady, Shandra Sheaffer. They are rarely seen apart, and I suspect that Shandra spends over 90% of her time in Amanda’s room. She is undoubtedly the Princess in this tale. What a sweetheart! We have a lot of fun watching her in the many boy-chasing escapades she gets into. I can’t wait to see which of these guys she actually ends up with. :) Shandra is a Linguistics major, and just enjoys life and the fact that she’s a girl. She comes to CCF and CRU as well, and lights up everything with her cute comments. You should have seen her trying to give Liz a makeover last weekend. It was a sight. ;)

Here we have Katherine Kennison. She is the Twin, or so we’ve been told. Apparently, if we’re both wearing our glasses, we look quite similar. I am about 3 or 4 inches taller, and she has red hair, but those are just small details in the grand scheme of things. Katherine is Amanda’s best friend from back home, and just transferred here this spring semester. She and I have connected really well, and enjoy working out together. I’m looking forward to getting to know her a lot better in the coming years!

Isn’t she gorgeous? This is my friend, Audrey Adams. She takes the role of Spiritual Partner here at school. We met early on at a CCF event, and have enjoyed spending one-on-one time together every since. She’s also a nursing major, so we talk about that sometimes. . . but more importantly, she’s someone who I’ve found I can be completely open with about all things faith-related. What a blessing she is to me!

This is Blair Ballard aka The Best Roommate in the World. She quite literally rocks my socks. She was gone all last semester due to an unfortunate accident, but she has moved back into our room on the fourth floor this semester, and I couldn’t be happier to have her here. We don’t hang out much outside the room, but in the room it’s never tense or uncomfortable. She is understanding, and lovable and we mother each other a whole lot.

If you know me personally, you might be confused about the fact that I have not yet featured any guys friends. In high school, I seemed to spend most of my time around guys, and trust me, coming to college and developing mostly girl relationships has been weird! A good weird, but still weird. However, there are a few guys who hang around every once in a while, and here they are all together. This picture is pretty accurate depiction of these kids and how I see them (okay, not the shirtless part) – ridiculous! From L to R, we have Greg, Alexander, Joey, and Joseph. They are all CRU guys, and each one of them unique and fun-loving. They aren’t like the guys I’m used to (engineers), but I still have greatly enjoyed spending many early mornings(8:00 am breakfasts in Ryle) and late nights(when they drag me out of bed at 10:30 or 11:00 pm to watch a movie) with them. :) They keep me from being lame, and provide me with people to mother and make food for. A win-win situation.

So there you go! Those are the people who have blessed my life these months at Truman, and helped me make a home away from home for myself. I love them all, and feel like my heart has expanded greatly to make room for them among the many friends that I still cherish from back home.

The College Life: A Tale of Poor Decisions and Great Fun

2010-01-26T19:33:00.006-06:00

This is sun. In Kirksville. In the winter! It's really a miracle. And, on a Sunday afternoon, there is no way a group of crazy college kids wouldn't take advantage of such a miracle. The idea to play ultimate frisbee was had. So we did.

This sun was very deceptive though. . .

Because (although you see Alexander wearing shorts here),
it was a cold, cold, cold day. Very cold.

Liz and Shandra were ready! Which lasted about 5 minutes.

I was official photographer and guardian of the stuff.
Cell phones, ID cards, and keys are the staples of a college student.

Unfortunately, this official photographer discovered that

her hands stayed much warmer inside her pockets.
So there aren't many action shots. :)

Yes. Yes, he is wet and muddy. Fun, huh?

This is Jason. Poor guy - he was so close!

Jason after the fact.

So yes. This is how we, as college students in Kirksville, spend our January afternoons. As they say, "Make hay while they sun shines (even if it's still freezing cold)."

Oh Dear.

2010-01-26T17:27:00.002-06:00

As I faithfully check my blogger "dashboard" each day, I find myself often disappointed that there are no new blog posts by any of the bloggers that I follow.

Then, I pause and recall my own negligence of blogging. And I sigh deeply, then get started on homework.

Consider this formal apology, for not keeping up with things. I said a few weeks ago that I would, and have (as is typical with me) failed miserably at that. I'm not going to make another promise of the like. . . but I will try harder. I just need to pick one night a week that I devote to blogging. Maybe Tuesday nights would be good. Yeah. . . I think we can to this.

So for the rest of this semester, I do believe my blog will be transformed into a "Tuesday Blog."

Love,
me

First Love - Jeremy Horn

2010-01-13T17:17:00.003-06:00

Although I am changing, You’re unchangeable, oh God
You will be my first love, be my first love
And for all the changes that You lead me through, oh God
You will be my first love, be my first love

Every morning when the sun comes up
And every evening when the day is done
You will be my first love, be my first love
Even when You fill my heart’s desires
Even when You are consuming fire
You will be my first love, be my first love

Although I am shaken, You’re unshakable, oh God
You will be my first love, be my first love
So let my idols crumble, You’re unshakable, oh God
You will be my first love, be my first love

May every day and every way I live bring glory to You Lord.
Be my first love

Christmas in Georgia

2010-01-13T16:38:00.005-06:00

Q: What do you get when you combine 2 large families and 2 grandparents, a small farm house in Georgia, a horse, and countless small motorized vehicles?

A: 21 people and a heck of a good time!

This was our Christmas adventure for the year. Our family road tripped down to Georgia on December 22nd, in two vehicles, and were able to spend 5 days reconnecting with our family and having a splendid time all around. Thank you, Dave Halls, for hosting us for so long! Here are some pictures of our fun:

Small cousin fun - make believe!

Ever heard of the Red-Green Show?
These goons got videos of them for Christmas, hence the costumes.

Andy was excited about Christmas.

This is Annie. She is a life-saver, folks. You see, although Annie is 21, she is the only cousin on both sides who has ever been "my" cousin. Besides being "my" cousin, she is just a fantastic girl - SO much fun, and also a very godly example to all the little kiddos running around, and to me. I love you girl! Thanks for a great Christmas together!

My darling grandparents. They truly are wonderful, and I SO enjoyed my time with them! Aren't they precious? We even got to have "story time" one night, when they told funny stories about their high school years.

Best. Reaction. To. A. Christmas. Gift. Ever.
Grandpa and Grandma got Isaac this musket for Christmas.
Needless to say, boy + gun = ecstatic!

Beautiful girls! This is Eva, and my sister Abby.

Silly girls. :)

They decided to drive the go-kart in the mud. Go figure.

Little girls getting in on the action!

Talking time - always gotta have that!

More play-time

Pie Making! Grandma is a kitchen queen, and I think she loves watching her granddaughters go crazy in the kitchen. Eva and I had fun with that!

So there you go! That was our Christmas holiday this year.

Blogging Woes

2010-01-12T21:04:00.002-06:00

I know, I know - I am fearfully behind on my blogging these days, and this break served to make me feel all the more guilty about it. I had at least 3 or 4 people tell me how much they love to keep up with me on my blog when I'm away at college! So, with this new knowledge of my impressive popularity (especially among the home school mom population, some of my all time favorite people), I am going to strive for more regular posts.

Starting tomorrow (which, as I'm sure you're aware, is always the best time to start anything, most especially diets).

(Un)faithfully yours,
Rebekah

Finals and Winter Break

2009-12-30T20:49:00.004-06:00

(This is my desk, preparing to study. And taking pictures

of my studying, rather than actually studying.)

My last post on here related to procrastinating from studying for finals. That seems so very long ago! I am happy to report that I made it through finals week in one piece, and arrived safely home Friday evening (despite a short and tumultuous "scenic route"). I opened the door to our house and was greeted by a roomful of giggling girls. Abby was having a Christmas Tea for her book club, and I had the pleasure of watching the girls enjoy themselves, serving them tea, and watching The Scarlet Pimpernel with them. It was a nice evening, and the house looked so wonderful and Christmas-y, it made me feel warm inside.

Saturday was spent puttering around the house, getting comfortable once again in our large home with the many people who reside here. We also spent a significant amount of time readying ourselves for the Christmas Ball that night, put on by a group who does English Country Line Dances in Salem and Rolla. Mum, Dad, Abby, Zeke, and I all went - we dressed up and had a wonderful time.

Sunday night, we had dinner with our friends Jan and Gary Bloom - an exciting, thrilling dinner of course - and then went over to Rolla Bible Church to see their annual Christmas program. I had been invited to go over to the Hickles' house afterward, and didn't think anything of it when Mark seemed to take a while to leave the church and head back to his house. We walked into their kitchen, and I noticed a cake on the table - before I had time to process why, my friends jumped out from all over and yelled, "Surprise!" And boy, was I surprised! My 18th birthday was celebrated in grand fashion that night, with cake, Apples to Apples, basketball (in the cold, with the girls watching like old times), and wonderful time with friends. What a perfect evening - and what wonderful friends I have!

Monday was another great night - our family went caroling at two nursing homes with the Hickles and Nisbetts. It's the first time I've ever been Christmas Caroling in four part harmony, and I must admit that I stayed silent a lot of the time, just so I could listen. Do you remember going caroling when you were a kid? If you're like me, everything was fine as long as you were singing - but then the adults insisted that you walk around and say hi to the old people. That was the worst! They smelled funny, and always wanted to hold your hand, and you never knew what to say to them, because they were complete strangers! Well, I've grown out of that - actually, that's the part I look forward to now. To see their faces light up when you walk over, and you're the one who reaches out for their hand. . . Definitely worth it. Try it sometime - maybe even not around Christmas, but just sometime when you're feeling down. After caroling, we had dinner at Hickles' and then played games for a while. Then, I went over to the Quakkelaars' house and played Santa Claus, wrapping up presents for their early Christmas celebration the next morning, while Mr. and Mrs. Q did some last minute shopping. It was fun to imagine those kids opening their gifts the next morning, and praying for each of them as I wrapped up their individual gifts.

Here are some random pictures from break so far:

Umm - this handsome guy is my little brother.
Girls - stay away. I will fend you off with a fork.

This is me with my two little sisters.
Don't ask about the hair.
One got curls, the other got blond - me?
I'm stuck with straight and brown.
(Okay, I lied - the curls aren't natural, but still!)
Oh - and this here is Andy. My only older sibling.
I think he is helping Mum in the kitchen.
Or rather. . . not helping. Mum in the kitchen.

Then Tuesday morning - bright and early off to Georgia! (More on that to come. . .)

Procrastination is a Beautiful Thing

2009-12-15T19:59:00.003-06:00

Hi everyone,
I'm procrastinating! Unfortunately, my friends are all responsible, and are busy studying. But I'm needing a break - more like a forever ending - from my math studying. So blogging it is. No brilliant thoughts have come to mind to blog however. I made this creation on Liz's head several days ago. She is a good sport.

Ummm. Not sure what else to say here. I basically can't wait to come home. It's going to be wonderful to have 3 weeks away from school! I hate pre-calc with every bone in my body, but hate the fact that I'm lazy and not studying right now even more. Deep sigh. Okay. I'll try to study some more.

Love,
Becks

2009-12-10T08:34:00.001-06:00

Temperature, as I walk to class this morning: 1 degree, "feels like" -11 degrees.

Elementary Functions Fail

2009-12-09T15:23:00.002-06:00

"Is there anything the Math and Science Department could have done to improve your math class experience this fall?"

Sigh.
Where should I start?
No matter: only one class and a final left!
Then Math shall be effectively obliterated from my life.
Forever, Amen.

Alexander’s Birthday Adventure

2009-12-09T10:48:00.001-06:00

Alexander turned 20 years old yesterday. Apparently last year, when he was a freshman, no one did anything about his birthday because it fell during finals week, and no one really knew about it. When he told me that, I felt this insanely strong mother-instinct to make his birthday at least somewhat special this year. So, I made cupcakes and my friend Amanda bought him a birthday present (a really fake looking tie from the Dollar store that has a button that plays music. Just what he needed). Several problems came up though – I realized that we couldn’t light his candles indoors without getting in trouble and causing the entire dorm to evacuate, which is never fun. So, we took the cupcakes outside. It was snowing!! SO beautiful! Here’s Joseph holding the cupcakes (and Greg, freezing because he didn’t realize we were going to be outside for an extended period of time and didn’t grab his coat).

Jason trying to light the wet candles in the windy, snowy weather.

We got one lit, and then sang really, really fast while Alexander blew it out. :) Oh, and contrary to the proof presented by these pictures, Joseph does NOT always have a strange look on his face. It just happened.

Alexander, blowing out his candle. It might or might not have taken him several tries. :)

Amanda and her mini-snow man!

Joseph Lieber takes a slide, after running around the entire math building without his shirt on.

He was home schooled, which I think explains this picture entirely.

We spent a while playing in the fresh snow, then came back to the dorm for some hot chocolate. All in all, a rather successful evening. Happy birthday, Alexander! Never stop laughing (because then we wouldn’t be able to find you ANYWHERE on campus just by taking a moment and listening for you, like we can now).

Heart- Shattered Lives

2009-12-08T10:57:00.002-06:00

"I've been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you're after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.
Going through the motions doesn't please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don't for a moment escape God's notice."

Psalm 51:6, 16-17

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out

Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise from the inside out
oh My soul cries out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

-Inside Out by Seventh Day Slumber

First Snow

2009-12-07T16:40:00.003-06:00

This one was taken from my window on the fourth floor (through the screen, pardon the lines, please). I wish I had a camera during the fall, because the trees out my window were beautiful.

They Rock my Socks. Literally.

2009-12-07T11:48:00.002-06:00

First chance to try out my fantastic new rainboots? Check.

“Tonight’s gonna be a good night. . .” – Friday Nights at Truman

2009-12-06T12:30:00.001-06:00

So, Friday nights are technically the prime time to go “out” here at college. But who needs to go out when you can have a fun and crazy evening staying “in” ?? We made snowflakes, played MASH, colored, and talked. Kettle corn and water were consumed, and fun was had by all.

Shandra and Amanda, proudly displaying their work.

Amanda, attacking Shandra for eating all her Kettle Corn

Liz, preparing to tell Amanda about her future, via MASH. A very accurate source, by the way.

My Only Bedroom

2009-12-05T11:51:00.001-06:00

Several weeks after coming to college, I got an e-mail from my Mum, informing me that my bedroom had been converted into a haven for the young ones in our home. I now sleep in the guest room. However, this is not as sad of a story as it may sound! Because, lo and behold, I have yet another bedroom (which is now my only bedroom)! And here are pictures. First, this is my roommate’s side. She was in a car accident in the third week of the semester, and has been living on the first floor in the handicap room ever since. She took most of her stuff with her, but will be moving back come Spring semester! I can’t wait.

And this is my side of the room. I really need to rearrange my pictures on the wall , and add some color, but I’m going to wait until Blair (my roommate) moves back and we rearrange furniture so that her bed isn’t lofted. Then, I’ll know better what kind of wall space I have to work with.

So there you go! My room – quite thrilling, actually.

Who Am I - Casting Crowns

2009-12-04T13:35:00.004-06:00

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For!

2009-12-01T17:50:00.003-06:00

I got a camera! Mum and Dad bought me a small, fit-in-your purse one for my birthday, and I was every so grateful. This way, if I do decide I want something higher quality later on, I will still have my own money to spend on it. Here I am, in my room. I also have many pictures of the dorm-room to post (even though I distinctly remember saying I would not do that), but that will have to be another night. Homework calleth. But I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, that I will take pictures of my friends and our activities (is this a good activity?) and post them until you are sick and tired of Truman. And me. And my friends. And such.

Thanksgiving Break and Such

2009-12-01T17:20:00.004-06:00

A whole week off for Thanksgiving - what a luxury! One of my professors didn't even know that Truman was getting an entire week this year. This is the first year they have and, as he put it, "That was totally not on my radar. At all" (he told me this with a bewildered look on his face). I think he needed the break. I know I did - three tests and two papers the week before quite wore me out!

The weekend before break I spent in Peoria, Illinois, at a National Missionary Convention. It was great - I mostly enjoyed, the time spent with friends, talking about missions and all the possibilities we, as young people, have before us right now. God could do anything with our lives!

After the convention, most of the week was spent relaxing at home - and I do mean relaxing. I'm afraid I was rather lazy. We watched movies, and played games, took walks and naps. Thanksgiving dinner was spent at our friends the Q2s' house, along with Mrs. Hazell, Zephan, and Alida. Lots of food and laughter - friends just make everything in life that much more wonderful, don't they?

I turned 18 on Friday, with very little ceremony. Kind of humbling when you have an unassuming birthday - but I did get to go on a long walk, talk quite a bit with God, get a hug from a very special girl, receive a wonderful birthday present shortly after I was legally 18, and watch A-team late in the shed with the guys.

The weekend was very exciting - we are now the proud borrowers of a horse! When my cousin asked to hear all about it, I told her all I knew - "It's brown." If you are one of those special people who wants to know every detail, my sister and Mum both blogged about it as well. I just have some pictures. My little family of cowboys (and girls)! Aren't they precious? I think Andy was cowering in the basement at this point, asking himself what we have become. :) Just kidding - he was as excited about the horse as anyone . . . just not quite as ready to entirely forsake his California roots.

So over all, a very successful weekend home - even though I didn't shoot a gun, play racquetball, or watch Beauty and the Beast with a certain someone who has never seen it. But there's always Christmas break!

2009-11-27T14:07:00.002-06:00

Hurray for being 18 and mature! What a great week I've had home with my family - I'm so thankful for the many blessings I have, and my family and friends definitely top the list. God has surely lavished His love on me through them, and for that I will be ever grateful.

Oh Give Thanks!

2009-11-26T13:11:00.002-06:00

Ah, Thanksgiving Day at last
When we mere mortals break our fast
And all of us, both great and least,
Sit down before a bountiful feast!

We lift our prayers to God on high,
Then stuff ourselves with pumpkin pie
Cranberry sauce and candied yams,
Homemade rolls and turkey hams
Taters mashed and giblet gravy
Beans of green, and stringed, and navy
Turkey breast and cornbread dressing
All get munched after the blessing.
Until it comes out of our ears,
Our noses, our pores, and then through our tears!

We eat a lot, and then some more
While keeping one foot on the floor
We eat until we're all done in
And then sit down and start again

Thanksgiving Day, ah what a treat!
To eat, and eat, and eat. . . and eat.

Contentment

2009-11-17T18:58:00.002-06:00

There is nothing that calms the soul on an overwhelming evening quite like a warm cup of tea, catching up with a dear friend, and studying for math tests.

Minus the studying for math tests part.

On Overcoming Sin. . .

2009-11-10T15:05:00.001-06:00

I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Romans 7:15-25

A Day in the Life. . .

2009-11-06T15:10:00.002-06:00

Today -

An accomplishment: Walked 1.25 miles to Hyvee for groceries. Walked 1.25 miles back from Hyvee, carrying those groceries.

Poem, compliments of my Chem teacher:

Johnny was a Chemist
But now Johnny is no more
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

Read:
"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life." - Romans 6:11-12, 22

Owned Face At:
My Math quiz
Waking up before 7 am

Made:
Two batches of cookies

The Water Spilt Poem

2009-11-03T11:18:00.002-06:00

Please, oh please, still work

Even after this initial

Moment

Of testing

Because otherwise

I will be sad indeed

~ Yes, even you work, little tilde key

Or whatever you are called

@ the 2, the water seems to have not had effect

Tab ahead seems to be functioning

AS DOES THE CAPS LOCK

Hurray!

2009-11-03T11:09:00.001-06:00

"It seems God continually brings me to the end of my endurance,
both emotionally and physically, to reveal the truth about my heart.
What's revealed in those moments of pressure is usually something that needs addressing,
like selfishness, insecurity, jealousy or bitterness.
Getting split apart isn't pleasant.
In fact, it's often painful and embarrassing.
Yet, it's required if I want to become a true follower of Christ."

-Proverbs 31 Ministries, Daily Devo

Remember When. . .

2009-10-30T22:52:00.002-05:00

So I look exactly the same. . . but everyone else looks so young here! They've all grown up so much. This was taken May 2007, at our youth group float trip. The Hickles were gracious enough to organize it, and a great time was had by all. Oh, the carefree days we used to pass! Back when we wore crocs. . . Sigh. :)

Mid-Term, Sunshine, and Fall Leaves

2009-10-19T13:26:00.005-05:00

Well folks, it's mid-term. Do you know what that means? I'm 1/16 of the way through my college adventure! (I'm also currently taking the last math class of my life, so these next 8 weeks may be your last chance to see me use fractions in a blog post.)

Life is truly good - today, I've had a grin on my face ever since waking up. I am happy because. . .

1. I wasn't sad coming back to Truman. The last time I was home, and coming back up here was really hard emotionally. But this time, I'm actually glad to be here. I'm slowly beginning to genuinely enjoy my life here, and it's good, really good.

2. I locked my keys in my room today. I laughed at myself so much - I can't believe only 4 days home got me out of routine that much!

3. My friends Virginia, Laurel, and I have a date to go on a walk tonight. Always a fun time - and on a related note. . .

4. It isn't freezing outside! In fact, it's a beautiful fall day and I think I may break out the roller blades and skate around the neighborhoods behind our dorm this afternoon.

5. My math teacher was sick on Wednesday, and because we missed a class, he has postponed our test until next week. I would have had 3 tests this week if he hadn't, so that definitely made my day brighter. Did I mention this is the last math class I'll ever take?

6. I had such a fantastic, refreshing time home, during Fall Break. It's funny, because even though I definitely didn't catch up on sleep at all, I feel so rested now, and much more ready to face the day-to-day challenges that come my way. There is something to be said for spending time with friends and family - I think God uses those special moments of comfort and security to refresh us emotionally and spiritually, and I'm ever so thankful for that.

7. Um, fall leaves. Is there any person in the world that isn't made happy by fall leaves? Amyoplasts, I love thee so much.

8. I had a fun office hour at SAB this morning. Normally, I don't do much, since I have an office partner, and there isn't really enough work for two people. But today, I got to help cut handbills, and run things back and forth between the Mall and the office. So yes - it was a good time.

9. I won $50 extra in "Dining Dollars" in a drawing last week, which can be used at any food place on campus. I already have quite a few extra block meals in my account, just because I don't eat 3 meals a day every day, so I'm not going to have to worry at all about food this semester! I'm so excited - especially because it means I can use the dining dollars towards warm coffee drinks in the SUB. Yay!

10. God is good, and His love does endure forever . . . I have so many friends, real friends, and several best friends, all of whom care for me and show it in so many ways. My family is incredibly supportive (and functioning healthfully without me at home, a testimony to the great structure my parents have worked to create), and so very loving. My classes and teachers are tolerable, and the weather outside makes me feel like there is sunshine bursting in my soul (which Colin claims I don't have). My heart is rather full of feelings, and for the first time in my life, they aren't just dreams of what could be. And most importanly, He is working in my heart - slowly, but surely, He continually points out inconsistencies, and brings along people in my life to encourage me as I strive to live for Him. What more could a girl ask for? Except maybe lunch. Which I shall now go eat.

Pining for Photographs

2009-10-10T14:22:00.004-05:00

Now you all know me (presumably). You are probably aware of my aversion to cameras. Or rather, cameras being pointed directly at my face. I've developed amazing reflexes relating to this (See Exhibits A-D).

Now, do not in any way imagine that this aversion has been altered in my 7 weeks here at college. Not by a long shot. (I'm afraid the title of this post may have mislead you into believing this, so a brief clarification was in order.)

I want a camera. I want to make my blog posts interesting and fun and exciting! But alas, I have not a camera. So I am pining - pining for a camera, pining for pictures to post. And this post has absolutely no value whatsoever. IF I had a camera, I would have posted something relevant to my life, something inspiring or amazing, or wonderfully beautiful.

That's all.

The Fruits of Laziness

2009-10-08T00:28:00.001-05:00

“We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith
and patience inherit what was promised.” Hebrews 6:12

The following are thoughts or attitudes that create a lazy spirit

I am not very careful to what I expose myself.
I often quit too soon.
I often revert to entertainment in order to put my mind in neutral.
I often choose activities that require no mental exercise.
I often choose activities that require no physical exercise.
I often feel that there is no value in hard or difficult work.
I hate disciplining myself and I often make excuses not to do it
I make very little effort to control my thought life.
It is way too difficult to “take captive every thought.”
I put more value on activities with people than solitude with God.
I normally reward myself with food or sleep.
I have convinced myself that spiritual disciplines are not needed in my life.
I often do not complete things on time or at all.
I “date” procrastination regularly.
I often waste precious time on meaningless things.
I strongly dislike “character building” situations.
The “snooze” button on my alarm clock is in danger of wearing out.
I take shortcuts when no one is looking.
My lifestyle shouts, “I do as little as I can to get by.”
I hate being held accountable for work.
I blame my undisciplined lifestyle on my work or schedule.
I hate being stretched or challenged.
I tend to hang around people who are “just as” or “more” undisciplined as I am.
I consider disciplined people extremists.
I tend to avoid activities that require diligence and perseverance.
I normally allow my schedule to control me instead of me controlling my schedule.
Most of the time, I make excuses not changes.
Compared to some people, I am really disciplined.
Much of the reading I do does not require me to think.
I normally take the easy way out.
When given the choice of neatness or messiness, I normally slide to messiness.
I normally allow “not making a decision” to be my decision.
I think that my undisciplined lifestyle is really cute or attractive.
I have often thought or said, “I don’t have to perform for God.”
I am counting on God’s grace to cover over my undisciplined lifestyle.

Dean Trune – Impact Ministries International – 4642 Arrowhead Road, Okemos, MI 48864 – 517-349-7783 dtrune@impactingtheworld.com

Prayer Request

2009-10-06T16:45:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, our family has been involved in some mission work down in the country of Ecuador, where my grandparents were missionaries when my mom was a kid. One of the missionaries names is Dr. Manuel, and he has asked for prayer, reagarding regarding road closings that have occurred in at least seven of the Ecuadorian provinces.

The road closings, demonstrations and marches are being undertaken by the indigenous nationals in protest to the government and concern water rights, etc. They are setting up roadblocks with burning tires and other means of blocking the highways. You can check this out on www.OSAC.gov. Because Dr. Manuel works as a traveling doctor/missionary, he heavily relies on being able to travel to the areas in which he works. He was in Tombo yesterday where the International Church Planters (ICP) from Arkansas are about to complete the pastors six weeks of training. The main road (rt. 35) was closed so he had to travel very dangerous roads to reach Tombo and back. This coming weekend a team of 24 will be arriving in Ecuador to do evangelism and medical care. I believe they will be based in Tomba and will need to be traveling in some of the provinces where roads have been closed. Dr. M. will need to travel back and forth between Cuenca and Tombo several times, over these very dangerous roads.

Please pray for the safety of Dr. Manuel, Juan, Pastor Lucas, and mission team who will be working and traveling. Dr. Manuel and his work are very near to my heart, because of the connection with medicine - I'm hoping that one day, God will decide to use me and my nursing skills to help him in some way down there in Ecuador. :)

Confessions of a College Student

2009-10-05T21:23:00.003-05:00

I have poor time-management skills, and a bad habit of over-committing myself.

Phew. Glad that's off my chest!

In our Bible study, we were talking about priorities in life, and asked ourselves what we really put first in our life. Our leaders presented a way for us to honestly evaluate this - we were given a sheet with a chart that had all the hours in a day. They suggested that we pick any typical day of the week, and fill out how we spent each hour, then bring it back to Bible study next week and talk about it.

I was too busy to fill it out.

Sigh.

The Little Things

2009-10-01T00:24:00.004-05:00

I've been feeling rather under the weather since Sunday. Just normal cold stuff, and by this morning, I felt a lot better. However, by the time Math class came around, and after nearly 4 hours of classes, I started feeling feverish. I figured it was the room, or the clothes I'd chosen - after all, in this transition from warm to cold weather, buildings can have trouble adjusting! But an hour and a half later, as Chemistry Lab had just gotten started, I finally admitted that it was a legit fever.

Normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal to me. I act like a baby when I'm sick, but it typically isn't nearly as rough as I portray it, and I would have been just fine on any typical day. But, when I got back from Chem at 3:30, I knew that the number one priority in my life wasn't R&R and getting over my fever. . . it was studying like crazy for my Math exam at 7:30. I hadn't studied yet, and had been stressing all week about how challenging it was going to be. (I've discovered anew this semester that Math is not my strong suit, in any sense of the word. Basically - this class is kicking my butt.) So I put on my pjs, curled up on the floor, and studied. And studied. I only lasted about 2 hours before falling asleep on my floor. When I fell asleep, I was still feverish, feeling overall horrible, and pretty darn sure that I was going to fail this rather important exam.

I woke up shortly before test time, got ready, and walked over to the room. I sat down, and realized that I was totally at peace. No stress. No worry. Just ready for the test, and whatever would come of it. As I sat in my hoody and jeans, I also noticed that I didn't feel weirdly chilly or warm anymore. Hmm. . . then I got the test. And what would you know - I got through it with very little trouble! I worked slowly, but felt like I know what I was doing every step of the way, and even caught myself on a few little mistakes that normally would have goen unnoticed. I walked out of that classroom fever-free, confident about my test, and feeling on top of the world.

I've been a child of God for a long time now, and yet, it still amazes me how much He cares about the little things. A math test, a little fever and exhaustion. . . what are these things, that they would concern the God of Creation? And yet, He loves us so much that He reaches down and shows us grace each and every day, and grants His peace to our weary souls. A shout out to those dear friends who have been praying for me lately - even with the little things, the Lord hears us! Thank you so much for you prayers! And thank you Jesus, for you attentiveness to our lives, and our worries - you are my everything.

Desires and Delight

2009-09-28T23:40:00.005-05:00

"The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this. . ."
Psalm 37:4-5

Have I ever before thought about the fact that the Lord delights in me? Honestly, I haven't. And now that I am, it puzzles me so very much. What is there in me that is delightful? Out of all the beauty He has created, why would the One who is mighty to save take note of me, much less find pleasure in me? And yet, He does. Pause, and think about this. Does it make your heart soar? In His majesty, the Lord of all chose me.

How is it that I do not delight in Him in the same way? Last Sunday, the sermon was about how our God wants to fulfill the desires of our hearts, every last one of them. The speaker stated that every desire we have begins in God - granted, they can be twisted into pervert, and sinful things, but the roots of every last one was created in our hearts by our Heavenly Father. He wants to make those desires come true, so very much!

But we, in our foolishness, try to fulfill our desires in our own way. It doesn't work, and God has to crush those desires, so that we don't harm ourselves. I hate it when God does this in my life, and my plans don't turn out the way I had hoped. More often than not, it causes me to question Him and His goodness. How utterly ridiculous of me!

If only I could learn to give my desires to Him in the first place, and ask Him to fulfill them for me - then, my focus could be on delighting in Him, and remaining in Him. I wouldn't spend time worrying about how the things I wanted would happen, if I truly let that be up to Him. My faith is so small, Lord. I must admit that I doubt your ability to fill the desires of my heart better than I can. Would you take my desires, every last one, and fill them in your amazing and beautiful way? I realize that many of these secret wishes won't be brought into completion on this earth, and that's okay. Bring my gaze to you, so that I can delight in you and allow you to have your way with my desires, each and every day.

Little Joys

2009-09-22T11:54:00.002-05:00

I was sent an e-mail by Truman today with a health survey to take. As a good citizen, I felt as though I ought to do so, although I really, really, really didn't want to.

The first question was "In agreeing to take this survey, you are confirming the fact that you are a student enrolled at Truman State University and are 18 years of age or older. Select yes to begin the survey."

I clicked no.

It said "Thank you. Your survey is complete."

Ahh. 17 is such a refreshing age to be!

The SAB!

2009-09-20T22:31:00.002-05:00

I'm on the SAB!!!

Wow, I'm so excited, it's hard to type. This evening, I heard a knock on my door - I got up to answer it, and a group of about 30 people were standing in my hallway shouting, "You're on the SAB!" That was about an hour ago, and I'm still excited (and if you know me well, you know how hard it is to get me excited!).

Let me back up a bit. In coming to college, everyone I talked to encouraged me to jump right in and get involved. They said it made all the difference in their college experience. I decided to take their advice, and went to the student activities fair with my eyes wide open. The only thing that really caught my attention (besides CCF, which I had already decided to be a part of) was the SAB - Student Activities Board. They are responsible for planning basically all the events that happen on campus, from comedians, to drive in movies, to concerts, etc. You know - it's the group of people who are the first to arrive, and the last to leave. Who put in countless hours planning, preparing, setting up, cleaning up, all so that other people can have a good time.

Well, needless to say, this sounded basically amazing to me. The board is only made up of 35 students, so it's very selective. They had a pile of applications on their table, so I figured it couldn't hurt to fill one out and turn it in. I almost forgot about it, and ended up turning it in at the last minute - I also forgot to check the posted list to see if I had an interview, and got an e-mail asking if I was still interested, because I'd made the first interview round. The first interview was on Friday night. I wasn't nervous a bit, since I really hadn't done any kind of interview before, and didn't know what to expect. I think, however, that had I not been otherwise distracted, the fact that attire was "business casual" should have clued me into the fact that this wasn't going to be a cozy little chat.

Boy, was it intimidating! Sitting in a conference room on one end of a long table, with 6 people at the other end of the table looking at you. . . I'm surprised I formed words at all. They asked some really interesting questions, thought-provoking questions. By the time I left, I was shaking. Some one should have told me that I should have been nervous!

Saturday morning, I checked the posted list, and saw that I had made the second interview round that afternoon. That surprised me. But I went, once again, in business casual attire. It was a group interview, so definitely not as scary as the first one. I walked out of there entirely uncertain of how I'd done. I knew that they were taking 6 new members, and that there were 12 of us who made it to the second interview. They said that they'd contact us sometime on Sunday to let us know.

9:00 pm rolls around, and I hadn't heard anything, so I logged onto the Truman website, found their page, and sent an e-mail asking if maybe I'd missed something, and was supposed to do something else? Shortly thereafter came the knock. . . and the rest is history. :) The president of the board asked what I had been thinking, since I hadn't been contacted, and I told her about the e-mail. Her response, "Oh, that's terrific! You would, too."

I'm on the "Research and Development" committee, fondly known as RAD. I'm really, really excited about this, but it's going to be time consuming. There is one weekly meeting with the whole board, and each committee meets weekly as well. The events, of course, take so much planning, and staffing. And also, each member is required to have 1 office hour during the week. I'm nervous and scared, but SO excited! Pray that this would be one more way God would use my life on campus!

Psalm 139:23-24

2009-09-17T00:11:00.001-05:00

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me, and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Isn’t this a scary thing to ask of our Lord? Do we truly wish Him to see the honest state of our heart? To know those anxious thoughts, those things in our lives we are not willing to surrender and trust Him with? To reveal those ways we are being offensive to His commands? Being transparent is a challenge. It’s hard to admit that we aren’t perfect, that we need God to lead us in His ways. And it’s hard to surrender, when we know it will mean cleansing and a change of direction. But I so want to follow in the ways everlasting! I want to be given life by the Lifegiver, the Lover of my soul, and I cannot do that unless I allow Him to know my heart and work in me as He would.

2009-09-14T07:59:00.001-05:00

"Compromise only satisfies the dying part of you."

Stellar Kart

The Chemistry Prof

2009-09-13T16:57:00.001-05:00

Quotes from class last week:

Regarding the use of Excel and spreadsheets -

“We aren't about the cosmetics, but the deep beauty of truth.”

Discussing dry erase markers -

“When I was a kid, these things were toxic. It's good that my mom told me to stop smelling them, because otherwise, I probably would have gotten high and died. I just loved the smell.”

He gave us the dimensions of a book, and had us calculate the mass. Apparently, the dimensions were rather arbitrary, because after we figured it out, he looked at it quizzically and said -

“This is probably an unrealistically fluffy book. Stewart Little could take a ride on this thing and he'd float right up.”

3 Weeks

2009-09-12T14:59:00.006-05:00

Well, here I am - 3 weeks into my college adventure! Some moments, it seems as though I've been here forever, and yet at other times, the hours seem to drag by. Don't you hate that?

Academics: Classes have picked up quite a bit, and I now have homework. Yay! I'm taking Chemistry 100, Biology 100, Pre-Calc, and Dimensions of Professional Nursing, 14 hours total. For the most part, I enjoy my professors, although my Chemistry prof is a little eccentric (more on that later). I think that this semester, overall, shouldn't be too challenging, although I'm finding myself very rusty on some of the basic algebra things we're reviewing in Pre-Calc. But that's what studying was invented for, right?

Socially: Wow, there is so much to do at Truman! Everyone always said to me in my pre-being-a-student-here days, that the events on campus made up for the sleepiness of Kirksville itself. They were right - the activities fair on the Quad totally overwhelmed me. Some of the things I've done so far have been. . .
2 times a week Pilates class at the Rec, as well as doing lots of running/elliptical/biking. Some of the girls on my floor are pretty into getting exercise, so we go nearly every day.
Swing Dance Lessons! I've only been able to try this once, and didn't really get the hang of it, but it was fun going with other girls and laughing at ourselves together.
Games - I've been to one men's soccer game, and one football game so far - and I'm really looking forward to seeing some volleyball soon. So far, they've only had away games.
Theatre productions - A friend from my nursing class and I go to these whenever they come up. The first one we saw was called "Murdered to Death" and it was great - a spoof on Agatha Christie-type murder mysteries. It was fantastic! And then last week, we saw a production put on in a black box theatre. The plot was deep and thought-provoking and the acting incredibly solid.
Reading - the library here is full, and I've had the pleasure of reading a book, simply for the sake of reading (something I hadn't done in far too long!). Okay, so I realize this isn't social, but anyways. . .
Walking - to and from classes, to and from lunch, to and from the Rec, and even just for the sake of taking a walk! It's a great way to have conversations with people, both casual and more serious.
Farmer's Market in the downtown square. It's really cute!
Java Co. - cute coffee shop in the square.
There are so many other things going on that I haven't mentioned. It really amazes me that, if I wished, I could have a totally full schedule when I'm only planning things for myself - I'm used to a family of 8, which quite naturally means a busy life. Social math however, states that if you minus 7 people, then add moving away to college, the end result is the same.

Spiritually: This almost goes along with social life in many ways. There are many, many Christian organizations on campus, and it's almost too much of a good thing. I've been mostly doing things with the CCF group, but I also plan to check out the Lutheran Student Fellowship, and a friend of mine has invited me to Campus Crusade for Christ. The CCF here has been such a blessing for me! They have Sunday morning and Wednesday evening services, as well as small groups and miscellaneous social events throughout the semester. The services have been great - since the speakers are specifically addressing a college audience, I find that everything they say isvery (if not easily) applicable to my life. I've joined a Ladies' small group called "Live Like You Were Dying," and I'm looking forward to the encouragement and accountability of that. Several upperclassmen have befriended me, and it's been a lot of fun getting to know them and spend time with them. This past weekend was the fall retreat - very refreshing, and a great opportunity to get to know more people on a little deeper level. There are over 200 students involved in CCF, so it can be a little challenging to develop relationships in the larger group settings. Personally, I've had so much more time for pursuing God on my own - and I find that exciting and scary. Exciting, because isn't this what everyone dreams of - extra time to spend, just on God? Scary, because there isn't any excuse of "being busy" to blame my poor spiritual life on. It's been a learning and growing experience, and I pray that it continues to be so.

Relationships: This has been the hardest thing so far. I miss my friends and family in Rolla so very much. Often, I just wish I were home with them. But that desire is just about my comfort and security, and I need to realize that it's not what God has for me right now. He has given me new relationships, here and now, to use for His glory, and I'm excited about that. The girls in my hall are really fantastic - they have their quirks, but overall, we get along great and love being a "family." I've gotten close to 3 or 4 in particular, and really enjoy the chance to get to know them better. Community style bathrooms definitely take getting used to, but it's also a good place to catch up with girls you don't see as often, even if it's just a "Hey, hope you have a great day!" We haven't yet proved the existence of boys on this campus, but I'll keep you posted if we ever do. :) Just kidding, there are guys here and I think I now officially have met. . . four. I do find it challenging to be around primarily peers all the time - sometimes, I long for a little person to hold close, or a home school mom to talk with. My roommate is amazing. Those of you who think I'm neat - she's neater. Those who might consider me a good cook - she's better. You think I mother people? - she's worse. Scrapbooking, and anything crafty - she owns face. Blair is Blair and she is amazing. If you ever send me cookies *cough*, you should add a note that says hi to Blair.

Food: The cafeterias are really good, definitely no complaints there. Except maybe for the fact that they have dessert available at every meal. I've used the dorm kitchen twice, once to make cookies and once, spaghetti. I've gotten involved with the food ministry for CCF so I don't go into complete withdrawal from lack of creating delectable delicacies. I am not going to disclose my current weight, or a comparison of that number with my weight before August 22nd.

So yeah! That's my life right now, or at least what the past 3 weeks have looked like. I'd appreciate your prayers, because I know with total confidence that they are what has kept me going thus far. And please, feel more than free to send me prayer requests of your own - I'd love to know what's going on in your life, and lift my thoughts of you to the Father on your behalf.

-Rebekah

22. Oh, Monopoly, How I Despise You

2009-09-10T12:54:00.004-05:00

I failed. You may recall that on my packing list from this summer, one of the items was to "complete a monopoly game with Zeke." Well, I played a monopoly game with him this past weekend, but we didn't really complete it - he allowed me to forfeit. I probably would have won, but after nearly 2 hours, it was just too much. We had pretty equal numbers of properties/houses/hotels, and I felt like we just kept switching money. Eventually, I suppose one of us would have gotten out of luck, but then you have the fun of selling off houses and mortgaging properties, and that just takes a ridiculous amount of time. So I forfeited. But I'm still counting it, so there.

Thank you, my brother, for allowing me to be lame. Someday, perhaps I will discover the same love for monopoly that you have. Or, more likely, someday . . . you will be a Realtor.