Thursday, September 19, 2013

Here for Now

I'm cozied up in an old easy chair, covered with my favorite blanket and listening to some soothing hymns. Life has changed the past couple months, and I am still trying to sit and soak in all the newness. I found a job on an OB/GYN floor in Springfield, Missouri, and I am working 8-hour shifts, 5 days a week as an RN. It felt like I'd never get here, and every day at work, I find that what nurses told me was true - the first year of nursing makes you feel like you learned nothing in school and you are starting entirely over! But I have wonderful, experienced nurses that I am working alongside and they have been encouraging and helpful every step of the way. I love working with patients of all ages - literally, 1 day old through those at the end of their lives - and have learned as much from them as anyone else.

My life isn't very full aside from work. Andy, my oldest brother, married his beautiful bride last weekend. It was a perfect wedding, full of God and His great plan for their lives together. Family and friends gathered and I truly enjoyed every moment. It made me really look forward to the day I find a man who makes me think, "I could serve God's kingdom better as this man's teammate than I could alone."

But for today, it's just me and the Lord, and I am straining my eager ears each day to listen for where He may want me next. While I like Springfield, the 2 months of working in a hospital have really made me realize that my heart is with the health of communities and families. I want to work in a setting that allows me to be with patients for months, years at a time, rather than just 8 hours, or maybe a couple days if I'm lucky. I've been reading about midwifery and as soon as I'm off the extra hours of work brought on by orientation, I plan to start researching different developing countries and mission organizations. It will be a big step, but part of life being "just me" right now means less responsibility - I don't have to worry about uprooting a family or making my decisions with the life plans of another person to consider. What a blessing - lonely some days, but mostly just refreshing and freeing. I want to cherish these days.

My soul longs to be a mother. Working with new moms and having friends who are just beginning their families makes the ache so strong some days. And yet, that energy and fire in my heart can be used in so many ways - I would appreciate your prayers for humility in my life. I want to be ready for when God brings the next thing and I want to fully live what He has given me now. When my pride gets in the way, I think I have a better plan and I strain and pull for what I want. Pray that I would be able to daily bow before the Lord and ask Him what He wants - for tomorrow, next year, and the next 10 years, but also for today.

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