My heart aches tonight.
I'm trying to be strong and do what's right.
But it's so hard.

Why Do We Worship?

I've been thinking a lot about worship lately. Both in the context of what we typically think of as worship (music in a church setting), and in the context of living lives of worship.

First, in living lives of worship: I believe that God created us to worship. It's a desire we all have. However, like usual, sin mars the story. As sinful beings, when we look around ourselves here on this earth, we see a multitude of things we could worship, and too often, we do worship those things. Lately, I've seen this in my own life mostly in relationships. God has designed us with a great capacity for loving others, and He works through those in our lives to show us His love. Relationship, however, should be based on how God is working through the relationship, as well as a mutual love/respect for each other based on who God has made you. When we start to value a person, but take God out of the equation, that can easily lead to "worship" - and like I said at the beginning, God created us to worship, not to be worshiped. Worship in relationships only leads to disappointment. Worshiping God however, leads to fulfillment.

Second, worship in the context of church: How does your church worship? There are many different "worship styles" out there, everything from heavy rock bands to a solemn organ. Last night, I experienced a very emotionally driven worship service. It got me to thinking. The purpose of our worship is for God. Yes, because of our intimacy with Him, we also benefit greatly from worship. But the number one reason we worship is because of the greatness of God - it's so that we can try, in our feeble and imperfect way, to tell Him who we've seen Him to be. Worship can often awake strong emotion in us, because it's a time of communion with the Creator. However, sometimes I think that some music styles are designed to create that emotion, rather than to worship God. Often times, the words are shallow, and about us - what we're feeling, what we're doing, etc. They repeat endlessly, causing an increasing build-up of emotion. It might sound good, but when we stop to think about the ultimate purpose of worship, it seems silly. For example, "I praise you, Jesus." What does that mean? All you're doing is saying what you are doing. If I were to want to serve someone, but instead, just stood in front of them and said "I'm serving you," that would be awfully silly, wouldn't it?

There is a flip side to this. Like I said, worship often does evoke strong emotion, even when it isn't written and performed in a way that forces that. But sometimes, worship can be so burdensome and well . . . boring. . . that it's nearly impossible to really have communion with God in that time. When you are focused on trying to figure out the melody, and wondering over what the meaning of some words are, it can be difficult to actually praise God.

In both of these settings though, I see that worship is a matter of the heart. If you worship in song because it makes you feel good, or because it's just another part of the service, you aren't worshiping "in Spirit and in truth." Our hearts have to enter worship with a right attitude towards God - who He is, and what He's done. If we start with that, I believe that the appropriate lyrical choices, musical styles, and congregational response to worship will follow.

Valentine's Dinner

The CCF guys at Truman always host a fancy dinner on Valentine's Day weekend for the girls of CCF. They walk around in groups and serenade us, offer valet and coat checking services, and cook/serve us a delicious meal . . . in turn, the girls get all dressed up and have a lovely evening with friends! I went for the first time this year, and here are some photos:

Memorizing

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them, and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
But those who trust in idols, who say to images, 'You are our gods,'
will be turned back in utter shame."
Isaiah 42:16-17

Work, and other News

I'm currently sitting at my desk at my place of employment here on campus. The Student Health Center keeps me busy - just 4 hours a week, to pay for my university scholarships, so it's not too much. I mostly just answer the phone, schedule appointments, prepare charts, file charts, etc. On Wednesdays, I stay by the phone during the staff meeting. The phone isn't ringing at the moment, so I'm free to blog!

School is going well. We had two snow days last week because of the blizzard that blew through our lovely little town. I went out one evening with a group of people, and fell into all kinds of huge drifts - it was wondrous. I decided that it displayed God's handiwork in a similar way that a Tornado does. . . not so much the way a cute little puppy does. :) This week, I have two tests, which I started the long process of studying for on Monday. They shouldn't be too hard, but you can't ever be too prepared, right?

Other than that, I'm not doing too much these days. CCF is still a major part of my life - two weekly services, a small group, and being discipled by an older girl. That has been really great - the wisdom and perspective of other people can be so helpful for day-to-day life! I've also been making new friends with some of the girls my age who are in CCF. I love making new friends who share my love for the Lord!

TeeVee

Oh Hi.
So, school has started slowly. Not a whole lot to do. But, the good news is, that Netflix is G-R-E-A-T! And, I've been catching up on a whole 18 years of not watching TV. Let me give you a look at what entertains me these days:

I must confess that this is my favorite show.
The names, pineapples, magic head. . . how can you go wrong?

Also a great show. More intense and intellectual than Psych,
and the tie to psychology intrigues me to no end. And British
accents are my fav.

OCD is a serious condition. I am really not a fan of mocking
serious conditions. But this show. . . you've just got to watch
it. If you've ever had any kind of a aversion to germs, or know
anyone who has, you will get a real kick out of it. :)

So yes - these keep me pretty busy! What shows do you like?

Start Fresh!

Back at school. For the first time yet this year, it's beginning to really feel like home. Of course, they say that "home is where the heart is" - if that's the case, then I have my home spread out all over the place. And yes, much of it is here in Kville. :) CCF tonight was really special - it's so amazing how being brothers and sisters in Christ can make a room full of mostly strangers seem like family.

We have to journal about our New Year's Resolutions for one of my classes. Interesting assignment, especially if you're like me, and have given up on the idea of resolutions. :) But I feel that a large part of resolving is tied in with reflecting. Resolving incorporates the idea of change, and how can you change to the "new" unless you're clear on what the "old" was?

My "old" isn't fun to reflect on. Most of 2010 in my life felt like a war-zone. How do you resolve change from that? But each day is a fresh start. The sermon I heard on Sunday urged Christians to look at each day of this coming year as an unopened gift under the tree, that God has given us. I guess my main resolution then is to live in wonder and expectation of each new day, and to recognize that One is directing my days.

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which
God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "
Philippians 3:13b &14