On Forgiveness

This is borrowed from a blog written by a friend of a friend. :) Here's the link, if you're interested in reading more of what she has to say.

Have you ever taken a step back, looked at a situation, and realized that you've been making it a lot more complicated than it really needed to be? That was entirely rhetorical, because I know that you're just like me and have probably done this more than you realize. It's funny, because when you're in the middle of it, it sure doesn't seem like you're over reacting. It seems like you're reacting to the exact, appropriate degree. But I have been wrong, wrong, wrong.

Something finally clicked in my stubborn brain today. There is a person in my life that I find rather difficult to love. And my reservations, my concerns about honestly loving them, my doubts, they are warranted. Or, at least, they started out that way. (Though one concern in particular I'd probably categorize as simply human, and not at all warranted.) But I have been selfish.

For days (or months, if you really need to know...) I have talked myself, and my friends, in circles about why I am right in this situation. Why my failure to love them is excused because I have to protect my heart, and if that relationship has to suffer in order for me to do that, well, you can't win 'em all. And yet, I constantly feel this need for affirmation. This need for others to validate that mindset, to agree with me that I'm right... That would be because I wasn't right at all. I have been copping out.

I have been so caught up in the little things that I've lost sight of the big picture. I realize that I have spent entirely too much time thinking about all the reasons why I shouldn't love them, instead of remembering the one reason that I should: because Jesus does. Because Jesus asked me to. I took my doubts and blew them way out of proportion. Because it is so much easier to concentrate on being frustrated, on all the reasons why loving them is a bad idea, than to risk being hurt by sharing my heart with them.

And I think my selfish motives run even deeper. I was looking for reasons to be frustrated. Why? Because loving them is hard for me. It requires my vulnerability without any guarantee that I'll be protected in that vulnerability. It requires the kind of reckless love that I have been praying for but (I'm now understanding) I have been too afraid to live by. I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm afraid of making things messy. And I'm reluctant to step outside this comfort zone of half-hearted love that I seem to be very fond of.

But...

It isn't about me. Who do I think I am, to blatantly ignore the call to love someone, simply because it makes me uncomfortable? And my concerns didn't even start out as wrong. But that fact that I've been using them as reasons to excuse my selfish behavior? That is wrong.

I was wrong.

And the thing is, it doesn't make it any easier to love them. I think it will always be a struggle for me. That fear of being hurt, that desire to simply run away and let someone else love them is still there, still strong. But God doesn't call us to love each other like Christ because it is easy. He calls us to love each other the way he loves us because he knows how powerful love like that can be. It is that kind of love that changed my life. How dare I deny someone else the chance to know that kind of love? Because it's hard. Because I might get hurt. Because I'm too cowardly to love everyone the same.

Because I'm too selfish to love with reckless abandon and trust that God, not I, is in charge of protecting my heart.

Who do I think I am?

My call is to love. To love recklessly. To love everyone the same. To foster the same heart for people that God does. That's not what I've done at all.

I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

The Sad

This post on another blog really hit home for me when I read it several days ago. I think the hardest times in life are when you don't have people you feel like you can tell the sad to. It's those times that you learn to spend your entire day at the side of the Savior, whispering to Him your secret fears, sadness, and hurt. As Scripture tells us, Jesus is one familiar with suffering - in Him we can always find a listening ear.

Today, I want to challenge you to be that friend for someone in your life. Undoubtedly, you are surrounded by people who need a friend to tell the sad to. Strive to develop that kind of friendship someone so you are there for them when the really hard times come.

On another note, I am home for 3.5 weeks. This is a glorious thing, but it didn't soak in entirely until Family Band tonight - makes me feel right at home to be with family and dear friends all at once.

More Ado About Nothing

This looks delicious. I can't wait until I get home on Friday so I can try it!

And yes. Yes I am cheating on this Tuesday post, and just posting links to other things, no original thoughts involved. I apologize.

And while I'm at it. . . The Quakkelaar Family has been doing a really neat Lenten fast, and blogging about it! Check it out here, for some legit encouragement.

Us

This is Us.

A beautiful poem, by a lovely young lady.

Blogs, Blogs, They're Everywhere!

Blogging seems to be a growing trend among nearly everyone I know. This idea of sharing one's thoughts and life through writing is certainly not a new one, although having one's writing become available for the world to see might be. :) I'm reading selections from an anthology of women's literature over spring break, and have enjoyed excerpts from many "spiritual diaries" of women of the past. They scratched out their ideas and experiences on parchment, with quill pens - we sit in front of a computer screen, and hit square-ish buttons with our fingers - but either way, the opportunity to share of oneself through writing in such a way is a gift that we ought not squander. So let me give you a little tidbit about some new blogs out there, and those ones that I enjoy reading!

The Lord is my Rock - Abby: I just helped her set this up the other night, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what she does with it. It's hard to handle the fact that she is becoming so grown up and independent, but I must realize that she is 14 years old, and quite the young lady. Sigh.

Missouri Halls Love Company! - Mum, for our Family: Although she doesn't update nearly as often as she'd like, this simply proves what a wonderful mother she is, and how hard at work she stays here at home! Her recent post on Button-Holes is just a small window into the wisdom that we get to experience here at home every day. :)

AmandaBeth Online: This is a "fashion" blog that I just love! The author is so refreshing and honest in her writing style, and I love the opportunity to see the latest fashions, without having to weed through indecent photographs, and inappropriate styles. Anytime I see other young women who seem to stand beside me on their views, it is such an encouragement and inspiration!

Strength Through Weakness - Ashley's Blog: My dear friend Ashley - her thoughts, and photos from her life. I mostly just love this blog because of the fact that she is the author. <3

The Straight and Narrow Way - The Riefer Family: Megan mostly updates this, with inspirational quotes, song lyrics, and verses, as well as pictures (sometimes quite humorous ones!) of their family.

Nisbett Family News: I love going to this blog. Whether or not you actually know their family, many of the photos and posts can be appreciated anyways, for their humor, insight, and creativity. They also have links to several other great blogs.

Quakflock - The Quakkelaar Family: This family is truly amazing! While their blog may not be meaningful to you if you don't actually know them, the way they, as a family, serve others is just incredible. I love seeing the pictures they post - very typical of the fun, and craziness, us home school families experience on a day-to-day basis.

Song in My Heart, and Gentlewood Cottage - Rachel Eldredge, and Candace Jacobson, respectively: I can't claim to know either of these ladies very well, but I just love visiting their blogs. They are both such sweet examples of what Godly young wives and mothers should be. Both are delightfully domestic, and reading their posts really inspires me as I look ahead to being in that same position of life someday.

Girly Do's by Jenn: Although this blog has hairstyles primarily designed for younger girls, I've found several different ones that I love to try out on Abby. Libeth is not yet to the stage when she can appreciate cute hairstyles, although she generally does a good job of sitting still when I do want to braid her hair. But Abby is eternally patient, and has a very, very "tough head." The different braid styles on this blog are ones I especially like.

China - Annie Hall: My nearest and dearest cousin (shhh, don't tell the others that you're my favorite!) is in China for 5 months, studying abroad! She has a great sense of humor (don't all Halls?), and I really reading about the challenges and new experiences that she is facing.

Why Hello There - Jenna Light: Jenna is an amazing girl, and I am always thrilled when my dashboard shows that her blog has been updated! Her quirky sense of humor always, always leaves me with a huge smile on my face. This is the blog to go to for a laugh, especially on those days when it seems like nothing could cheer you up. ;)

Last, but certainly not least (and if you are still reading this post, hurray for you!), I have a new blog. The other night, Dad and I set up a new one, titled "The Becky and Dad Show". It shares a bit about the purpose and history of it on the blog itself, but I thought I'd give it a little advertising on here as well. For a long time, Dad and I have really enjoyed talking about, discussing, and (at times) debating the different things we think and believe. Our discussion often get incredibly interesting, and we've always felt that maybe, just maybe, other fathers and daughters (and maybe even just parents and teens in general) could benefit from this open relationship that we have. So, our new blog is an attempt at that. :) I hope you can take a minute to visit it, and keep up to date on our talks. Dad and I were discussing how people hear about, or discover blogs. . . we didn't come up with any brilliant ideas, aside from me posting on my blog. . . idk. This blogging world is certainly an interesting one!

And a random picture, for all you visual people who have stuck with the post for this long. :D

My Week - a Celebration of Life!

I've decided that rather than refer to my week as "busy," I will simply say that I am living life to it's very fullest, and maximizing every spare moment. :) This week was actually quite fun as far as I'm concerned! (Be warned - the following paragraphs are quite lengthy, and more for my sake of having a record of things . . . you aren't under any obligation to read it. :)


Monday, I volunteered to drive Abby, Zeke, Sarah, and Rachel up to Sullivan for their band practice. I also did grocery shopping for Mum while there - and I hadn't realized how long it's been since I've gone grocery shopping! Mum gave me a very detailed and extensive list, which made things a lot easier, but it was still somewhat challenging. Pushing the carts was a good workout though . . . I think I bought enough groceries for several weeks. After I finished that, I stopped at McDonald's, bought a coffee, and sat and read. It was very relaxing. Then as soon as we got home, Zeke had a basketball game and I made dinner. The evening was spent babysitting at home, since Mum had a Board of Education meeting at church.

Tuesday, I babysat at First Christian Church in the morning then had my first class directly following. I'm really excited about this class (it's Comp II), and enjoyed our first dat, even though Ms. Kolb mostly just went over the syllabus. After that I came home and worked on dinner stuff, then picked up Isaac from the Centre. He and I spent the rest of the afternoon baking - both bread and several kinds of cookies. After dinner, Abby and I went to her basketball practice. When we got home, I spent the next hour or so folding my 5 loads of laundry. :)


Wednesday was a day of great fun! Mum dropped me off at the Quakkelaars' house in the morning, and I got to hang out with them most of the day - we cleaned the basement, and I did Kindergarten with Zeko, made lunch, and helped Mrs. Q with some grocery shopping. What a family! It's not often you can go to someone's house to work, and come away feeling like they were the ones who blessed you! It is always such an encouragment to spend time with other families who are walking in and living out God's truths. Thanks Mrs. Q for having me over! The rest of the day was rather uneventful, so I caught up on some cleaning around the house.

The Q Kids - Maggie, Gabe, Eva and Alex, Zeko, Malachi

Thursday, Abby and I babysat for MOPS in the morning, and then I had class following that. In the afternoon, I did some more cleaning and think I even sneaked in a nap. We have been having car trouble, so Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all included car-pooling efforts at random times. :) That evening after dinner, I went to CCF and to the basketball game afterwards. Funny story: because of our car trouble, I wasn't sure if I'd have a car to drive to CCF. Turns out I did, but as I got ready to go, the key wasn't where I had left it! Our second key was gone with Dad, so we began searching for it. I asked Isaac if he had played with it, and he said no. Then I asked Libeth, and she nodded - only to lead me into the living room and ask to watch a movie. So after looking about 15 minutes, I came back and asked Isaac again if he was sure he hadn't seen the key that afternoon, or touched it. He says, "Oh, well I saw Libeth playing with it out on the deck." Sigh - needless to say, I was a little frustrated, but mostly thought it funny. I got to CCF about 20 minutes late, but (because they did music at the end) I didn't miss Mark playing the bass. I was also pleasantly surprised to see Timon, an old friend who is back in Rolla this semester.

Friday was . . . chaotic. I had a babysitting job from 8 am - noon. Then upon arrival home, the Q kids came over and hung out during Zeke's literature/reading class. That was awesome, once again - Maggie and Eva were both spectacular assistants in the kitchen, helping me make 7 loaves of bread! They also gave me a hand in cleaning my room, mostly by keeping me company. :) Another car-pooling trip, and then practices for Abby, Zeke, and the Varsity guys. (Zeke had a game that was canceled.) Abby and I also went and caught the Landmark Christian School volleyball games, and the first quarter of the basketball game. Our friends Clara McCluskey and Joshua Riefer are on those teams, and it was neat to see them play - they both did a great job! (The Riefers' Blog, which may have photos from the evening) We got home from Abby's practice and said "hey it's only 9:30 and Friday night - let's do something!" That something ended up being watching an "All Creatures Great and Small" tv show, then doing my Pilates for an hour. . . .and laughing at Dad, who attempted to do it with me.


Saturday was again a whole lot of fun! I took Mum, Abby, and Zeke to the theatre in the morning for their rehearsal - they are in "Pirates of Penzance" put on by our dear friends the Nisbetts and their group Fine Linen Drama. At the theatre, I picked up

Margaret Hamacher,

Ian Hamacher, Andrew Hamacher (not pictured),

and Anna, Nathanael, and Glory Nisbett!

We all came back to our house, and the kids played in the basement all morning long while I cleaned the whole upstairs! You'd think that 6 extra kids would add work, but they actually helped me complete my work by entertaining each other! The crazy kids decided that they wanted to jump on the trampoline after lunch, so I brushed the snow off, and Libeth, Glory, and I watched the other 6 jump - it looked like great fun, but I wasn't quite up to the cold! Then hot chocolate, cookies, and more play until I took them back to the theatre at 3. I wish our camera had been working, because there were some great photo opportunities missed that morning.

:( I'm sure you can imagine what fun we had though! Dad christened the morning "Becky's Bouncing Babysitting." Dad had picked up Abby for basketball games in Lebanon mid-way through the morning. . . it was a tournament, and our JH girls team ended up winning 3rd! Abby and Dad went to the English Country Line Dance in Salem upon arrival home, and I went to the theater and saw "Mall Cop" with my 4 dates - Zach and JP Winzer, Colin, and Mark. :) After the movie finished, we stood outside - in the cold - for about 15 minutes before we decided to come back to our place and have hot chocolate and cookies (you know, there isn't a lot of difference betwen highschool/college guys and little kids - they like being outside in the cold, and are always made happy by chocolate anything and cookies. lol). We hung out until everyone had to go home, and then Mum, Dad, and I spent the next hour talking about our schedule for this coming week.

We had church this morning, and I came home early with a bad headache - probably just a result of a long week and not a lot of sleep. :) My favorite part of this week was that I got to spend so much time with kids, both those in our family, and others. They are such fun, especially those we know within the home schooling community. Thanks to all the parents who let me hang out with their kids, and thanks to all you kids who are such a joy to be with! You have blessed me more than you can know.

http://we-would-see-jesus.blogspot.com/2008/11/god-who-is-enough.html

This is a blog I venture to quite regularly, and I always find it encouraging, uplifting, but mostly, challenging. Here is a post that appeared several days ago, and which caught my attention immediately. I hope you enjoy it too, and join with me in trusting our Father this day.